That’s how I feel😢

I feel worn out. Is it habitually this way or because it’s my first time? I keep wondering. How many times will I endure this to finally be a man for it? I can’t best tell. Hope time will escort me through.

Love isn’t something we can predict. But we sometimes try feeling it. Is it that my sensitive skin was dead or I couldn’t feel the dying breeze of love? That kept me wondering anxiously.

On Thursday, this happened. “I woke up and was tremendously excited because I had a busy day ahead. I was very optimistic and was certain I would make an extraordinary impression. I hurried in taking my bath and made sure my phone was just a meter away from me. I was prepared for any beep.

I kept combing and straightening my hair. I ragged my beard. I was ready in personal appearance but deficient in an emotional speech. I started breathing heavily. I tried imagining what I will say but what came to mind was, have you eaten today? I laughed nervously and allowed myself the hope of meeting her. I kept on waiting till I received a call. I moved gently and praised the almighty for making this day come. I’ve yearned so much for it. May he support me. I moved towards the house and my heart beep rate increased. I then realized if they had kept a tuber of yaw under my buttocks, it would have burnt it into ashes. Just imagine how tense I was. I said to myself “Bro you got this. Blow it and make her yours.” That gave me vhim and I moved inside to have the conversation.

The emotional conversation started. It was fun. I talked and couldn’t even imagine it was me. It moved effortlessly. Everything was on a smooth road till the heartbreaking news set in. I couldn’t handle it but had to be a man. I smiled and annulled the conservation on a pleasant note of being a friend to her.”

It wasn’t painless for me. I can’t accept it. I feel depressed. I can detect an empty hole in my chest. I hope it fills out soon.

I’m not giving up on you. I will fight for you. Until we meet again, just note that; you will be my wife one day In Sha Allah.

I’m not stopping. As they say, “When you are not a man enough to fight for what you desire, then don’t cry over it when you lose it.” I’m a man.

I will never stop until you are mine. Keep that in mind!