SCARED, SOME OF THEM WILL NEVER TELL YOU! NEVER

In 2014, somewhere in the central part of Cross River State, with just two kids, I co-founded (or I should say I founded) and started a small nursery school for a church, one pentecostal church like that, and immediately started heading the school as the 2014/2015 academic session began. Currently, that school has over 300 pupils.

I'll come back to that story.

Before then,

According to Diana Baumrind's theory of social development and parenting styles, or what is called Baumrind's Parenting Style Theory in Psychology of Education, there are three parenting styles: AUTHORITARIAN (firm but not warm), PERMISSIVE (warm but not firm) and DEMOCRATIC (warm and firm).

Parenting Style simply means the ways or techniques parents employ in the upbringing of their children. It is a psychological construct representing standard strategies parents use in the training of their children.

AUTHORITARIAN parents display very little warmth and a very high degree of control. They are strict disciplinarians who use a punitive and restrictive style: always flogging their children, always beating (and kicking) them at their slightest mistakes. Such parents expect their children to obey rules and instructions without questioning. This can cause an adolescent to be dependent and very, very rebellious.

PERMISSIVE parents display a high degree of warmth, but are undemanding and do not have high expectations. The only way, usually, these parents show love to adolescents is to indulge all their wishes. This may bring about difficulties for the adolescents to control themselves, and may result in tendencies to display egocentric behaviours. Unknown to these parents —unkown to them, I feel — their permissive and loose attitudes can make their children to be spoiled – what Robert Green calls "the unintended consequence."

DEMOCRATIC parenting style which, according to Jacobs and Harvey (2005), positively correlates with different developmental outcomes of children and the most effective, even in relation to academic performances of pupils and students, see parents not only supervise their children, but are also immensely sensitive to their immediate needs. These parents encourage their children to be independent while also guiding their actions. (You can read more about parenting style theory).

Now, back to my story.

By 2015, the school had close to a hundred pupils already. I knew all my pupils (my children, as I liked to call them😀) by names. I also knew their houses — all of them! So, regular visits to the houses of these children aimed at strengthening the bond between the parents and the school was very possible, a strategy I devised which really helped that school grow. It made parents feel that we really cared about them. Actually, we did. I did.

I noticed a girl had missed school for three days. The school register confirmed it when I checked, so I went for her immediately.

On my way to her house that morning, I stopped at an uncompleted building to ease myself and there I saw a cute, little girl, my cute little girl, my adorable pupil, in that building, crying and crying.

To cut it short, when I finally convinced this little girl to speak (she was 7 at the time), I got to know that for about three days, she had been going there to stay immediately her bikeman brought her to school. She told me she liked it there. To her, it was safer there.

But, what was the reason for her weird behaviour, abi decision?

She told me one of my teachers, a guy, was always using his fingers inside her PUNANA during break, and that it hurt her badly. She also said that the guy even brings out his NTANTA from his boxer and forces her to touch it and even suck it.

I almost ran mad at that revelation!

This girl was the boldest child I had ever seen; she was BOOOOOLD! But, why didn't she tell anyone? Did she tell her parents?

She said she didn't, that her parents do not discuss anything with her, that her dad, especially, always beat her with his "belt" at her slightest offence. A girl of 7? That kind maltreatment for a girl of 7? Terrible! Her father must have been the AUTHORITARIAN type.

It was soughted! I wrote to the pastor of the church who was also technically the proprietor of the school, recommending that guy's sack, and he was sacked immediately, even though I held his secret and have NEVER told anyone.

I don't think it's proper to raise children to be too scared of you as a parent. I don't think it's proper at all. A child and his parents are supposed to be friends, too.

Very close friends that they can boldly walk up to them and voice issues bothering them, even issues as serious as rape, or other silly advancements from silly people!

This world is a very terrible place, filled with very terrible people!

Children, female children especially, go through a lot: from those in the compound—those we trust so much—, from their bigger friends, from their uncles, even from their teachers. Sometimes, there are hidden corners of their hearts stuffed with several bitter things unsaid.

You don't see this by being an AUTHORITARIAN parent.

In raising children, while being firm, try to be warm, too; try to be DEMOCRATIC.