A little satire about plagiarism

The hall was filled to the last row. Dr. Artur tried not to look into the audience as he walked with measured steps towards his seat on the stage. He resisted the temptation to adjust his tie and finally settled down in his chair, inwardly already half breathing a sigh of relief. First television appearance - never before had one of his books been introduced so prominently. The audience applauded, they seemed friendly and attentively interested. A very good sign.

The talk show host smiled at him. "Welcome here to the studio, Dr. Artur." She then directed her smile directly at the camera. "And of course welcome, dear viewers! You may have guessed who our surprise guest is today. Unfortunately, he seems to be running late." Dr. Artur looked around in confusion. Was anyone else invited besides him? The talk show had been called "Be Surprised" for ages, and to his knowledge there was always exactly one surprise guest. Until the last minute before the show, it was kept secret who the talk show host would welcome. Dr. Artur had therefore to sign that he would not reveal to anyone that he had been invited to the programme.

The curtain behind the stage parted and another man, completely unknown to him, came on stage to restrained applause. The talk show host jumped up and shook his hand impetuously. It almost looks as if she is about to throw herself on her knees in front of him, thought Dr. Artur. "Dr. R. Tur, I am incredibly pleased to meet you!" The moderator had struck an almost solemn tone. She pointed to the empty seat next to Dr. Artur. "Please do sit down." When Dr. R. Tur - whoever that might be, Dr. Artur had never heard the name in any case - had taken his seat, the talk show host also sat down again and crossed her legs. Dr Artur realised that he found this incredibly sexy and got annoyed with himself. After all, he was not here to be impressed by cheap tricks. Immediately afterwards, the talk show host turned directly to him.

"So, Dr. Artur" - she stretched the salutation in a strange way - "you know why we invited you?" "I assume it's about my new book." "Your new book?" Now your smile was more like a snarl. "Which book are you referring to, Dr. Artur?" "Well, my book entitled 'The Influence of Existing Texts on the Creation of a New One' " he said. "A strange title!" "Well, my publisher wanted it that way. I myself found it rather awkward." "Yes, Dr. Artur," - she leaned forward so that he could look into her cleavage, which completely distracted him from her question - "wouldn't 'One Writes Off' have been more appropriate as a title?" "Excuse me?" He managed to tear himself away from the sight of her bosom and looked up into her face in amazement. "The point is, Dr. Artur," now her voice took on the tone of a prosecutor in court - "that you copied this book word for word, and you copied it" - she pointed to the second talker - "from our Dr. R. Tur here!"

"I didn't copy anything!" He suddenly remembered what his publisher had reported the day before yesterday. He, in turn, had only listened with half an ear. Someone had allegedly had the cheek to copy texts from him and make a book out of them. Dr. Artur had been so indifferent that he had not even bothered to check whether it was true. What was the point? "Then sue the guy!" he had said to his publisher. He looked from the talk show host to Dr. R. Tur and suddenly it dawned on him what was going on. He pointed his index finger at Dr. R. Tur. "If anyone has copied here, it was him! This is outrageous!" "Indeed," the hostess retorted coldly. "Dr. R. Tur, what do you say to that?"

"Well, the scam is common," Dr. R. Tur's voice let itself be heard. "Why make it up yourself when you can copy it all from somewhere? But what really amazed me was that Dr. Artur" - he too stretched the salutation in such a strange way - "even copied my doctorate - I am a doctor of philosophy, as you know - and didn't even bother to invent a name that sounded at least a little different. No, he even calls himself almost like me, that is a bottomless impertinence!" Dr. Artur felt like he could not breathe. What did this man allow himself? He jumped up and lunged at him.

"Leave the hall immediately!" The emcee's voice was razor sharp.

The next day his publisher called him. "It's not going to work out with us anymore. Your performance yesterday..." "But I'm in the right! Those are my texts! That Dr. R. Tur..." "... has booted you out, yes. I'm very sorry for you, but he just sells better with his story. That's why I signed him." "But I'm the original!" "Who cares?" His publisher hung up icily.

That sealed the end of Dr. Artur's writing career. He decided to live his life rather than write superfluous texts - and became a talk show host.