Freedom for Individuality
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I suppose you could say that I come from an era, time and generation where individuality was not quite as easily embraced as it is in today's world. From generation to generation we have almost just blindly followed the “protocol” and norm because that is what our parents did and their parents did and so the loop keeps on going and a lot of the time it is not even questioned.
I had a conversation with my ex once because he kept shouting at his kids every time they washed their hands in the kitchen sink. I could never understand why. It is a sink… it has soap, what on earth is wrong with washing your hands there?! Another thing which came into my line of questioning was why he had such a massive objection to the kids pulling the curtains open and curiously peering out of the lounge window.
He admitted that he himself actually had not reason for the objection, other than that was how his parents treated the same situations. How absolutely ridiculous is that?! A perfect example of sheeple behaviour in my opinion and something which is still very prevalent in people my age and older - and perhaps some younger still, too.
“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.” - Jim MORRISON
“Children are meant to be seen and not heard” is another example of this and one which I disagree with so strongly I cannot even begin to express! Now, don’t misunderstand what I am saying here - I am not advocating for disrespect… no, I am saying that exactly the same as any mature adult - children have their own characters, will, preferences, thoughts, opinions, feelings - you catch my drift.
How absurd to raise them in such a way that they feel they cannot express themselves or share their thoughts. I would go as far as to say that I come from a time when not only was this not encouraged, but it was considered completely unacceptable to challenge an adult intellectually and was seldom something which was ever exercised… well, certainly not in my family at any rate.
I made a decision a very long time ago that I never wanted my son @judethedude to grow up the same way I did - especially when it came to embracing his individuality and I can honestly say now that as he approaches his fifteenth birthday in September this year, I am so very grateful that I took the approach that I did.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
How anybody ever thought that instilling fear into kids or making them feel completely irrelevant or invalidated and almost “fearful” of self-expression was going to bring out the best in them… needs their own head read!
Individuality is there from the moment we enter this world and it should be treated with respect from the get go too. Yes, within reason obviously - but I am not making this statement with consideration for ridiculous extremes of this - I simply mean that our journey starts on day one and that path is completely different for every single person.
Curiosity and challenge is what encourages personal growth and just because people in 19 voetsek believed that children had nothing of value to add to a conversation - does not mean that it was an intelligent or even remotely accurate “trend”.
I am so glad that my son has more of a voice than I did. Sure, sometimes he is wrong, sometimes he is right and other times it just inspires further contemplation… but the point is that he needs to feel like he CAN speak and won’t just get silenced to a corner because he is still a teenager.
“Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.” - Carl Sagan
There was an instance once in about grade three when his teacher developed some game in the classroom to motivate something or another among the kids - I forget the details, but Jude got into trouble that day because right at the very start of the game, as she explained how it was going to work, Jude piped up and told her that it was not going to work. Something was wrong with the fundamental details / points scoring or whatever… I forget.
Jude can be a particularly insistent individual and also often impatient when he does not get the room to express himself, lol - which this teacher brought about because she was simply not interested in hearing what he had to say. Nonetheless, they proceeded with the “game” and eventually got to a point of being stuck - for the reason that Jude had been trying to tell her. Lets just say that “I told you it wouldn't work” did not go down too well with the teacher's ego and Jude was marched off to the principal's office.
The apple didn't fall far from the tree and when I was called in - they did not get much joy from me either, because yes - whilst Jude could have handled himself a little more respectfully… The point is, he was actually right and she denied him the platform to be so because it made her look like an idiot… not his problem.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” - Harvey Fierstein
Not much has changed over the years… except perhaps his levels of discretion and diplomacy, which was simply an age thing and something which had not quite been learnt in the mind and mouth of a third grader.
I love the fact that he is growing into his own person with confidence. I love that he does not let people bully and silence him into a corner and mostly I love that I did not “break him” in an attempt to “make him”. Just because something has always been a certain way… does not mean that it should stay that way.
“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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I agree with your views on the importance of individuality and encouraging children to express themselves. I believe that every child should feel valued and respected, regardless of their opinions or actions. As a parent, my priority is to support my son in his personal growth and development, while helping him to understand and respect the points of view of others. I think it is extremely important to teach children a balance between expressing themselves and maintaining a respectful environment. While we encourage children to be themselves, we must also teach them patience, understanding and empathy. Through these lessons, they can grow into well-rounded individuals capable of contributing positively to society. As parents and as a society, I hope to create an environment where all children feel loved, valued and free to be themselves, without fear of judgment or punishment.