The Chaos
The move has been executed. Five nights have been spent at the new place. Muscles are screaming in agony. Analgesics have been devoured and yet, the workload seems to not end.
Shifting homes is awful, that's 100% settled. No matter how lucrative the end result is, the day of the move is always stressful and drains every ounce of energy from your body.
I haven't been able to sleep properly for some time due to the fatigue. Pains are so severe that the strongest of the painkillers don't seem to work either. I believe my body needs complete bed rest for 2 days at least, and my mind needs a change of environment too, but that's not possible. So, the aim is to try to achieve bits and pieces of both.
This extreme fatigue is due to multiple reasons, not just the move. We had barely spent a night in the new home when doctors scheduled my mother-in-law's surgery (hemiarthroplasty) the next day. Her kids with their families started arriving to be there for her. And, of course, I was the host. The host whose home was barely functional.
The host who had to attend a meeting for an event at the same time the surgery was happening, and she had to be there for a farewell event an hour after the patient was discharged and came back to her home the next day.
It was chaotic - tending to the needs of the MIL, hosting guests, adjusting to a new home, and the farewell event, which I couldn't ditch.
Amongst all this, I realized that I hadn't been able to get back to a few friends for weeks and couldn't ask about their well-being and offer help to those who needed a little assistance because my own life doesn't feel normal nowadays.
Does this make me a bad friend? Are they judging me?
I won't lie that I have also judged those who were best buddies in a certain chapter of life, and over time, we lost contact because of life and mostly miles.
I couldn't be more wrong about this approach. We don't know what others are going through and their circumstances. It's not right to judge anyone. I know this theoretically but I only realized this when I went through this situation.
I had similar thoughts when I found it hard to play host this time. Although, I did my best under the circumstances and I know many people would blatantly refuse to welcome anyone while in a similar situation. I learned one thing that I can't make everyone happy, especially at the expense of my own well-being. I haven't been able to walk properly for some days due to lack of rest.
Anyhoo, the surgery was successful, the farewell was wonderful, the guests have gone, we have help for MIL's needs and now it's just me and a new home that I look forward to furnishing.
Hoping for the things to get better from now onwards. Today's heavy downpour made the weather pleasant too. It had been too hot and humid this past week.
I know what it's like to move to another house. But when so many events overlap, it is something extraordinary. It seems that you are also the person on whom it is convenient to dump all the problems. You know, there are people who carry other people's burdens on themselves. There is someone like that in every family. I have bad news. It seems that in your family it is you. Everyone will always find it convenient to turn to you for help, you will try to help, sacrificing your own well-being, and if you don't help one day, then they will also talk bad about you.
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You think? I would hate being the patsy. But I don't know where to set the line. Maybe, I know but it's hard in reality specially when you want to avoid unnecessary arguments and keep the air clean.
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Of course, my conclusions from such a great distance may be wrong 🙂. One thing I know for sure: if many people rely on you, then you are a reliable person who is ready to help everyone. But I wish you that you can finally focus on the arrangement of your new home. It can be fun 😃
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Moving is just sooo distressing, and I think it's in large part due to the fact that everything feels upside-down and out of place, on top of just the stress and physical exertion of it.
Meanwhile... life goes on for everyone else in our surroundings, and their needs and personal crises don't "suspend" just because we're in the middle of moving.
Last time we moved, our biggest effort (right away) was to get the bedroom as close to perfect/finished as possible, so we had a place to retreat to where we could shut the door to the rest of the place and rest and just forget about the rest... sortof. It helped.
You'll find your own way... but not having to look at it all is one way to relax a bit.
Glad your MIL's surgery went well!
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You wrote my heart out again. Only someone who has moved a lot can truly understand this hassle.
I wished for no extra stress besides moving but everything was thrown at me at once because life doesn't pause for others like you said.
Now that I have a bigger space, I wish to do something like that with our bedroom too. I'd be happy to learn some tips if you have some.
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It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and it's completely understandable that you might feel disconnected or overwhelmed. Moving is not for sissys. I vowed to never move again in my life. Well… until my death.
Not being able to keep in touch with friends doesn't make you a bad friend; it just means you're dealing with a lot right now. True friends will understand what you are going through and believe me when I tell you that everyone has their own challenges. I had to discover that true friends will always appreciate your honesty and efforts when you're able to reconnect.
Good luck!
PS: I hope you are feeling better.
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I remember when you wrote about your move. I wish I had a choice of living at one place and moving only when I really want to.
You are right about friends. The right ones will always welcome you back with open arms like there never was a break or silence at any end.
Thank you, I still need lots of luck but I do feel better. (:
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Best of all, I still have furniture and boxes in storage in Johannesburg. I dread the day that we have to bring it down to our place.
Luck... this is what I can give you ☘️ 🤞
Feeling better... Whoop whoop!
Moving to a new house is difficult, a lot of work, especially if you're doing it alone. Packing, moving, and setting up a new place can be stressful. But, you get to make your new space look exactly how you want it!
You'll also find out who your true friends are when things get tough. And when things are good, everyone wants to help.
After all the hard work, it's great to relax and enjoy some well-deserved rest.
I wish for your upcoming days filled with happiness, love, and joy.
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I wasn't alone-alone. But you must have heard that only a woman can transform a house into home. So, after the big move, everything was upto me - where to place what, you know. I didn't have to lift things but I was needed everywhere all the time. Where to put the refrigerator? Which wall is suitable for TV? Where to place the sofa? You get the idea, right? I'm excited to do my new place though.
I have a few friends and they are a blessing and I'm sure they'll understand if I'm not there for some reason.
Thank you for your warm wishes. Need them the most right now.
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Such a stressful experience!
And the goodnews..? It is settled now.
I can imagine the stress of packing into a new place, and taking care of your mother-in-law at such point.
The crazy part is that - this stress will continues with arranging things in their proper place 😀, I have been there before...
I can only wish you a stress free moments soon and happy arranging moments. By the way, your new place is beautiful.
Off topic: I am warming up for another bestman soon...😉
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Yes, things are settling down now. The change of accommodation was long due and I'm relieved that it's finally done.
I have organized 70% of the home despite all the chaos of surgery, guests and events which explain the painful leg. 🤣
Thank you for your warm words though.
And bestman, again? I was expecting an upgrade. Anyhoo, congratulations. (:
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