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... well, in Australia, but my wife and I have been finding that parents are both whiny and complete shitheads... both to teachers/educators and to their kids. Of course, this is a vast overgeneralisation... but compared to what we saw in the Netherlands, the style of parenting here is quite different to what we saw as the norm over in Netherlands.

So, in the Netherlands, we noticed that many parents were more hands-off... the kids had a greater degree of autonomy and learnt by experience and failure. After all, learning by experience is one of the most robust ways of doing things... and giving kids the independence and the latitude to fail gently is style of parenting that I fully agree with. So, it also meant that many kids would be dressing themselves at an earlier age (including putting on coats) and getting themselves places also at an earlier age... in the playground, the parents would be sitting far back whilst the children interacted. If there were problems, then there would be a watchful eye... but little intervention.

Of course, there are definitely problems with that sort of parenting as well... if things get out of hand, and there is still no intervention... and sometimes, the ability to fail gets to to be a bit too much of a hard landing... but in general, it seems to work to have a better longer-term relationship between generations. The parent seems to be more of a guide than an overseer.

Again, I stress that this is on a personal observation of a very small subset of society that is highly coloured by my own personal lens.

... but just for fun, lets apply my highly subjective lens on the Australian style of parenting. In previous forays back to Australia, I have been a bit astounded by how much children are treated as completely dependent... which seems to breed a lack of independence. As simple things, getting their own coats and shoes on... well, I was a bit weirded out to have to dress nieces and nephews and other children. In the Netherlands, you put the coat on the ground in a certain way, and most of the children have been taught to flip it over their heads and dress themselves in the coat like that. So, when we went out... we would put the coat on the ground, and we would all dress ourselves with a little tidy up before we went out.

... here, the parents fuss and dress... is it to save time? or just through sheer smothering? It does save time in the short term, but they aren't learning the independence that becomes a longer term time saver.

So... that is one form of interesting parenting that I have noticed. The other is much more interesting... my wife and I have been teaching and working with kids recently here. My experience is that the parents think that their kids are entitled to a certain "quota" of attention when working in groups... regardless of ability/need/group vision... Of course, I'm not advocating for neglect, but "equal" attention is something that is both elusive and destructive... and the "everyone is a winner" sort of attention is something that doesn't work in real life. I have been told by experienced teachers that you can't even point out if someone is doing something wrong... lest you be accused of bullying! Sigh... when did Australians become so bloody precious? I'm not saying that you need to be an arsehole, but in a public ensemble setting, if you need to fix things, you need to fix things.

Meanwhile, my wife has experienced that weird form of parenting that is known as helicopter parenting? Where a lesson between a professional and the child is constantly interrupted by the parent weighing in with their well-meaning but profound lack of experience/ability... and even to the point of haranguing their own child to the point where nothing is actually possible and hte professional can't get a word in sideways! Of course, my wife is more polite than I am... but she still gets irritated... but she can't find the nicest way to tell the parent to "sit down and shut the hell up..."... If this happened in any other workplace, you would tell your client that they are idiots and if they wanted to do the entire thing themselves, they could just do surgery/building/audit on themselves without the help of the professional.

... me, I guess I'm still polite... and I just tell the parents politely that everything might run smoother with them outside.

Honestly, I do wonder why some parents do this... it isn't most parents I guess... but it is the current snapshot that we are seeing... the parent who is pushing pushing pushing their child to achieve achieve achieve... it can't be healthy for them. I do wonder if that is why I see so many broken people later who worry about being perfect/good/achieving/climbing the "ladder"...

Honestly, the other day, when my wife was rehearsing with a kid... I heard screaming and yelling from the other side of the house and wandered close to hear what it was about... just another parent "encouraging" their child by yelling at them whilst my wife was trying to gently coax them to their best of their ability. Sigh....

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