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In a bit of a weird turn of events... I'm now an academic at a university now! Which is a crazily strange feeling for a performer musician... but seeing as most conservatories have been melded into universities in Australia, well, it is the way to go if you are planning to teach at a tertiary level.

Unfortunately, I'm only a sessional casual... which means that I only get paid for the hours that I teach, and that can change wildly from semester to semester. Those full-time tenured plum jobs are few and far these days... and it is even more so in the sectors of the university that aren't considered "money-spinners". Even worse, in the ones that are considered able to collaborate with private industry, the incentives are skewed towards direct application instead of fundamental research. Another case of the private sector outsourcing their research efforts and costs to the public sector... and then claiming it all and running with the profits.

Anyway, those gripes aside... it is strange to be coming around a full circle to be teaching alongside former teachers! I really feel like I have a lot of experience, knowledge, and enthusiasm for my specialist area to share... but at the same time, I still don't feel like I'm an "expert" to be teaching tertiary students at a university!

It is even more strange to be having coffee with the other staff members... some of which were my own teachers from decades ago... or in one particular case, the one who gave me my initial training and grounding in what would turn out to be my future career path in music. They speak well of me, but I will always look up to them as idols and masters of their craft.... and I don't feel like I should be on the same level.

However, talking with them... it is funny to hear that they suffered from the same thoughts when they took their positions. They talked about also feeling inadequate, and feeling like that they were just always making it up on the fly... that they were constantly learning and adapting on the job, and that there was no "right" way for it all to fall together.

It is amusing.. and sort of expected. As a student, you look up to your teacher and see them as masters and infallible. In the same sort of way that a child looks up to a parent... and when you grow in experience, you start to see the cracks and the human-ness of the person within. Some are wracked with doubt, others insecure, others are incredibly supportive, and others are strong within; but all are learning and feeling the way through the dark in the same way that we all do. It's just that they have had the opportunity to make more mistakes and learn more lessons, and will hopefully pass those lessons to the next generation... who might or might not listen!

Anyway... this semester begins my first formal session as an "academic"... teaching chamber music and early music to some budding first and second year music students. I had started ad hoc last semester, but this time... I'm taking them through a full semester-long journey myself.... and the sense of responsibility is strong...

Anyway, I did meet and hear them recently. They are an interesting mix of characters and ability.... much of what I have to tell them does contradict or challenge much of their existing musical training. I can see that some are ready to hear and experiment, make mistakes and learn... others are more hesitant. I think that the hesitation stems from the training that we have be inflicted with... that we search for perfection in performance, which leads us to step back from the edge and play it safe... rather than actively seeking and playing with the edge (and sometimes falling over!).

It is really quite interesting though... I wonder, is this what we were like when we were starting our musical journey? I would hope not... but probably, yes... we were this timid and scared! But perhaps, hopefully, I was one of the bright eyed ones who wanted to try things? Who knows... I'm the wrong person to ask (personal bias...), and my old teachers... well, they will have their bias as well!

So... I'm really wondering how this batch of students that have been placed under my care will turn out. I'm hoping that they will enjoy their time with me, and I hope to infect them with new ideas, and the willingness to both support and push each other in a chamber music setting.

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