How to Not Want Things and Still Be Happy

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the buddha once claimed that preference creates suffering. on the floor this appears to make feel. you feel ache while you don’t get what you want. the solution, in buddhism, is to cease needing things and consequently your struggling will cease. come what may, that doesn’t feel proper.

certain, preference may additionally create pain, however doesn’t it additionally provide which means to lifestyles? in looking to put off the pain, don’t you also erase the joy, leaving you with a stupid, gray lifestyles. in this article i’d like to explore a 3rd alternative, and the way you could still revel in pleasure without clinging to things.
why be without preference?

before i go off into the excessive mountaintops of philosophical inquiry, allow’s examine the realistic subjects. what does being without preference for things suggest and why may it seem like a terrific idea?

for this example, permit’s say you crave to be wealthy. i’m using wealth for instance however it can be whatever, a healthy frame, fantastic relationships, academic or profession success. your craving to be wealthy leads to a pair side-consequences:

until you become rich, you're disappointed. like a person starving for food, you will feel hungry till your preference is satiated.
you may never become rich. this may seem pessimistic, however you may’t absolutely reject the opportunity that the wealth you are seeking may additionally never come. you're for all time hungry.
even if you do achieve exceptional sums of money, the sensation of fullness gained’t last. both you'll discover a new purpose to crave, or you will become tired of your accomplishment.

here’s a easy diagram showing your stage of pleasure together with your modern-day state of affairs:

cravinggraph

even inside the satisfactory occasions, feeling full best lasts a moment.
enjoyable yearning

the commonplace counter-argument to this is that yearning may be exciting. feeling desire strongly can be a terrific feeling. so it isn’t honest to say that the complete construct-up to a goal is painful.

i disagree. pure yearning is pain. few humans ravenous for food might describe the sensation as enjoyable. loneliness is hardly ever referred to as being fun. feeling bad, limited or missing are all kinds of ache. wish that the next day is probably a piece better is simplest a small relief for the ache of craving. the buddha is right, choice is struggling.
need to you simply surrender?

with one of these miserable outlook at the human situation, does this imply i advocate giving up your desires, promoting your garments and residing in a hut smoking some thing pleasure inducing tablets you can manipulate to come up with the money for? of route no longer.

there’s a 3rd alternative. the choice isn’t between yearning and emptiness. the 1/3 choice is what i’m going to call a technique focus. if you have a method cognizance, from an objective point of view you don’t seem a good deal specific, you still set desires, have challenges and study from screw ups. the difference is that craving not creates the pain it as soon as did and you're loose to live happier without looking more stuff.
a focus on procedure

the hassle with craving is that it's far incomplete. it locations the entire emphasis on simplest one second, the intention. for your choice to be rich, which means that the complete emphasis is located on the instant you attain a selected earnings. the whole lot earlier than is merely a lead-as much as this moment, and the whole lot after is really a consequence of it.

cravingfocus

the alternative is to emphasise the whole technique. which means that the moment of fulfillment is not any greater or much less essential than step one or months in.

processfocus

“life is a journey, not a destination.” it’s a pleasing platitude, however i don’t suppose it captures the real impact of what i’m suggesting. small snippets of understanding like this sense nice, but hardly ever communicate something important. “be yourself,” is every other piece of frequently-cited know-how that has turn out to be essentially meaningless.
what a method recognition way

a method recognition approach that successes and screw ups are identical. this has a nice ring to it, however it’s a device few people observe. how often can you say that you're feeling just as true with a win as you do with a loss? rather, the majority function from craving, wherein achievement method pride and disasters are ache.

a technique awareness treats any pursuit as you would a sport. in a recreation, the act of gambling is the real motivation, not the win. after a heated chess match, you're typically no better off now that you’ve won. the only reason to play become the technique of playing.

when you technique a place of life from a manner cognizance, you see the entire course, not the intention because the purpose to begin. run a commercial enterprise due to the fact you love running a commercial enterprise, not just because of the popularity, wealth or carrier it'd convey. hobby within the technique is extra essential than the result of a intention.
examples of a manner cognizance

now i’d want to climb down the philosophical mountain for a chunk and cope with the daily. what does a process consciousness look like? here are a few examples, in them you could without problems believe the other of working from choice:

john decides to begin relationship. instead of making it his intention to get a lady friend, sleep with a gaggle of women or end up a modern-day casanova, he turns into interested in different people and the way courting works. rejections and failures don’t bother him, due to the fact he's pushed by means of an hobby in different humans and the technique, not curing loneliness, lust or validating himself.

julie begins faculty. she makes it her intention to grow to be a physician, but doesn’t attention on it. alternatively she specializes in the training, becoming curious approximately the cloth and the way she will apply it to her pursuits. she even writes down dreams for her time period marks and gpa, however these are simply constraints to make the process extra fun and tough for her, whether she achieves them or not doesn’t decrease her hobby in what's happening proper now.

patrick is obese. he sets a intention to lose twenty pounds, but doesn’t obsess over it. he starts by means of trying out extraordinary sorts of exercising, sooner or later settling on strolling as something he enjoys. he attempts to overcome his previous information and makes a sport out of putting on his shorts and strolling out every morning. he meets his weight reduction purpose in file time, but sees it as handiest a minor bonus to a method he loves.

optimistically those can provide a picture of what a system orientation looks as if from the inner-out. these are folks who effortlessly gain their desires. not due to the fact they by no means mission themselves, but virtually because they don’t crave. they don’t need matters, however are nonetheless satisfied because they interact themselves within the process.

the following day i’ll post a comply with-up article on how you could start constructing a system-orientation into your life.