Tricky life of a beginner-writter

Hi, guys!

So, at the moment I'm at the point where I have to gather all my forces together and have to concentrate to get to normal state before my CG classes will start. Living with bipolar disorder is a tricky thing, you actually never know when you phase will switch and you'll find yourself either super productive and happy, or super miserable and incapable of simplest actions.

At the moment I'm technically hypo-manic, but it already starts feeling like a mixed episode. At one hand I feel the energy and could be productive, but on the other hand I have major troubles with sleeping and it makes my life strange and full of challenges. You know that feeling when your muscles already hurt from lack of sleep? That's what I feel. Tomorrow I have stretching training and I don't know if I'll be capable of doing at least something there. I really want to go, cause I said many times before physical activity is super important for me, but I doubt that it will do more good, than harm.

I still have some profit from my hypo-manic story. On previous week I completely finished editing the second part of my book, and I feel that it really looks good. Now I need to do the same with first part, and the third one is still to be written. I don't remember if I said it before, but this book is my constant source of burn-out. I feel to uncertain to have lots of readers, or even show it to actual people, whose characters are in the book, so I have only about 3-4 readers, and don't get enough feedback.

I wish I could tell you how important it is to have enough feedback. In all types of creativity, actually. But in this case it's even more important for me, cause I'm not a professional writer. When it comes to feedback on my pictures I feel much more confident, and even don't actually need any feedback, I can easily survive without it, cause it's my job.

When it comes to writing everything becomes much more complicated. I need to hear that I did great, or I need to hear that I didn't, and suggestions on how to improve what I created.

My readers are nicest people in the world, but I really don't get enough. I could give it to people I play DnD with, but here another trick comes out. My story is based on our DnD campaign, and all the time I think ""what if they don't like how I represented their characters"? Plus our druid already said once "I wish I knew what you did to Lars". Huh, I did a lot! And I hope he'll never know about it!

So, it's a conundrum I can't solve at the moment, and I doubt that it'll become somehow easier in the future. I wish to publish it, at least in the internet, but I fear what people will say. You know this state when you feel really venerable at some point, and you really don't want to get hit to it, even accidentally. So - limited reader and constant burn out.

I hope I'll find a solution.

See you in the next post!
Love, bugha