The lame leg of the table, as we say around here, for an autistic person is interpersonal relationships and many are unable to overcome this barrier that separates them from the rest.

I am one of them, even though I have adapted and done my humanly possible to fit into a chameleon-like society where good is bad and vice versa, I maintain my "dissociation" with the revelry, the effervescence of affection not really felt, the convenient flattery and everything that implies learned and not spontaneous behavior.

I have reached the last curve of the race with the same rebelliousness although I have managed not to express it openly and I have preferred to hide myself so as not to be disliked, although it is inevitable, because as the positive and the negative are rejected, you must love me a lot to put up with me and I confess, I do not collaborate for it to happen.

Perhaps the experience has caused me to suffer a kind of regression towards more isolated stages or the limitations are a probable cause, the truth of the matter is that I have reconciled with solitude, even though that other me sometimes manages to pull me out of his arms.

Throughout my life I had companions, people I loved and love, but never a friend, I was and still am mean to confide my secrets to others, also to know theirs, I am an open book to bequeath my knowledge, to help and even to write some of my memories, but from there to be part of the deep web of their experiences there is a stretch that I have not been able to go.

Only my late sister in my adolescence and youth was close to that and my current wife, who silently fights not to send me to hell, when my autism attacks, as I baptize them, keep me away for minutes and even hours from sharing with the family.

Leonardo Farfán in his book "An autistic heart" that I had the pleasure of publishing through "Project Expressions" makes the analogy about the structure of the heart of an autistic person and writes that it is like a house with many rooms where the emotions are and these do not impact the individual in the same time of someone common, so many label as insensitive to those who are different for not reacting immediately to any emotional stimulus.

Custom becomes law, says an old popular adage, and for those who are not so important or indispensable, we end up like salmon, swimming in search of our essence in a line contrary to others.

I am not an openly sociable being, although in stages of daily life I have seemed to be, it is part of that other popular saying that everything bad sticks, but I am not one of those who walk around with a bow and arrows imitating Cupid and throwing it to those who are, I am somewhat indifferent to what happens around me and that is not well seen.

I am not very social to meet new people, unless they are with a screen in between, the Internet is a tool that has served me for that, but rarely goes from virtual to face-to-face.

I need a longer period of time to interact with some confidence with an unknown person. I generally connect with those who have similar interests to me, with people who are frank and direct as I have no filter.

I have the ability to read between the lines or see things that most people do not, a reason that disconnects me from charlatans, liars or egomaniacs, who in a conversation tend to include lies that society calls soft, with the intention of highlighting or attracting attention.

Before, I had the flaw of unmasking these lies, now I simply walk away without commenting.

For me, a stranger means a challenge, regardless of gender, as it is something similar to a game of chess where I discover move by move something new that can serve to connect me or the opposite.

I am not one to prioritize looks over other factors, sometimes a beggar has better things to say and give than an executive, so my standards of beauty are completely different from most, I have always held that the sexiest thing about a woman is her intelligence.

The years have taken away little of my essence, they have only managed to mask the things that others do not like, making them live together but not mixed.

From my book "Gone and What Remains, Asperger's in the senior citizen"