How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. Part VII: A sure way to conquer enemies and how to avoid them
The first important thing is to recognize that as human beings we have a high percentage of not being right, so if we were to be right in most of the things we say and act then I think we would all be very happy, but of course the reality is very different and we have to handle it with prudence and wisdom in order to have new friends and a good relationship with other people.
All this analysis makes some of us think about the following:
If we can accept that we ourselves are not right in many basic things in life, then with what morals can we tell another person that he or she is not right, I believe that the search for reason is like the search for knowledge, that the more we know the more we realize that we know nothing. The fact that one believes that he is right in the absolute and in the fullness of his being is because he is most certainly not right in a small percentage.
The important thing is to start from a basic principle, and that is to admit that by human nature we are not always right, reason that should make us act over others with enough modesty and humility.
The reaction of another person when it is corrected, by nature is not to correct, on the contrary is to react by attacking the person who is making the correction, all this makes us reflect on finding alternatives of how to express in a different and persuasive way so that the other person corrects the error and has the desire to want to correct.
The objective has to be clear, if in the end we correct with arrogance believing we are absolutely right, instead of achieving a friend what we will achieve is an enmity, if on the contrary we go looking for different ways to make the person enter our environment, that in which the person voluntarily ends up recognizing the error then we have been able to fulfill a fascinating objective that attracts friends instead of enemies.
There are many ways to start the favorable environment to earn an enmity by having an aptitude in which we start an oratory with arrogance, an example of it can be the following:
Many times we start a conversation with another person assuring that we are right, but not only that, but also we say to the other person: "I am going to prove you wrong for such and such arguments".
That aptitude if we study it can end up in an altercation, given the conditions of the person who is being corrected, this person will think that the person who corrects him is more alive and these at the same time generate a confrontation of forces.
As I have been explaining, and in this I totally agree with what is expressed in the book, we should look for a way to teach someone who needs to be corrected as if they were not really being corrected, only to make them reflect within themselves, so that that same person who is full of errors can recognize their errors without having to fall into any confrontation.
Conclusion
In the end when we really learn to master this part I assure you that we will end up respecting the opinions of others, we will look for alternatives to make other people see reason and reflect, and above all we will end up understanding that it is a mistake to tell a person directly that they are wrong.
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I believe greatly in correcting people but we need to be sure that these corrections are done nicely, no one likes to be spoken to in an unfriendly manner.
Good point that, it is important to know how to say the words, it must be in a way that is not hostile as you say, thank you for commenting, greetings.
Infact great people are people that are ready to learn, unlearn and at the same time try to see things from other people perspective.
With this kind of attitude, the people around them will believe that their voice and ideas matter. No man can influence people that he or she always thing he or she know more than them
Very good that part you mention of learning and unlearning, it is important to assume leadership to be willing to unlearn any negative attitude, greetings and thank you for your important comment.
Greetings friend @carlos84. I think that to start here, to admit that by human nature we are not always right, is a way of reasoning with humility, and perhaps the other person will not feel attacked by his way of thinking, and with humility, both parties will discuss finding a middle ground. The problem is to have the humility to admit that one is wrong or that, even if one is right, it is relative.
Certainly as you say it is important to find the point of balance, greetings my dear friend @emiliomoron thanks for your comment.
Greetings friend @carlos84.
It is difficult for us to admit many times that we are not right, I imagine it is something natural in people.
We must have a lot of humility and courage to overcome our pride to bend and accept that we are not always right to achieve a balance between both people.
Thank you, my friend, for sharing this analysis.
It is not easy to accept that you are not right, however that is what makes great people great, greetings and thank you for commenting.
Good article, one of the doubts I have is "what about the leader?" A leader cannot be wrong since that is the main reason to be a leader, if he is proved wrong he is guaranteed to lose the leadership.
I like your point, if a leader assumes that he is wrong I think it makes him great and places him at a higher point in leadership, the people who do not assume that they are wrong are the bosses, whether he has to leave the leadership position or not, for me it only depends on his willingness to accept leaving the position he holds and give it up for someone who can do it better, and yet I think that situation does not fit the traits of a leader. Greetings and thank you for your contribution with this commentary in this publication.