How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. Part VI: It is not possible to win an argument
Greetings friends of the community of Project Hope.
On this occasion I want to make a short and concise analysis about one of the points that the book deals with on how to win friends and influence the people of Dale Cargengie which is to avoid confrontation when an argument is generated, because if our objective is to get others to think like us then there are certain parameters and skills that we should avoid when it comes to avoiding confrontation in an argument.
The first important thing to understand that an argument or confrontation is lost is to place ourselves in two possible alternatives:
1] Suppose that we lose the discussion: this is a very adverse scenario, since the discussion that begins with the confrontation, in addition to ending in loss, also demoralizes the person who has to end up accepting the defeat. In order not to arrive at these terms we must avoid confrontation at all times, and under this scenario we can see demonstrated that when we start an argument it is already 'for a fact to give up.
2] Let's suppose that we win the argument: this is a quite probable scenario, that is, once we start the confrontation we have the possibility of being right, but in the end we must feel like losers even though we won the argument, since once we have won the argument we will also have destroyed the morale of the other person, and if our objective is to win friends and have a positive influence on others, then under this scenario we will be losing as well.
To understand the meaning and importance of not feeling like a winner in an argument, even if we have won the argument, we need to understand this phrase from Benjamin Franklin:
If you argue, and fight and contradict, sometimes you can achieve a triumph; but it will be an empty triumph, because you will never obtain the good will of the opponent.
This point is important, because perhaps many will think that it is worth arguing to obtain a victory in that confrontation, however it is a banal victory, that is to say an empty victory since we will not obtain a positive receptivity of the other person with whom we had the discussion.
The book makes reference to the fact that it does not matter in which field the discussion takes place, the case is that it is alleged in the book that in the case that it is the discussion it will not favor in any field, next I present you the textual citation that confirms it:
What would you rather have: a victory in academics, in theater, or the good will of a man? Very rarely will you get both.
At this point I think we need to analyze many contexts, although it is true that many of us stand up well to avoid a discussion, I think there are areas of life that require a healthy discussion, for example: Can you imagine being a teacher, and accept a wrong answer as ideal for the simple fact of avoiding a confrontation?
I certainly believe that avoiding confrontation does not apply to all cases, because there are things that by nature imply confrontation, but of course in personal relationships, making friends and having a positive influence on people it would be best to avoid confrontation.
To conclude this analysis, I would like to say that in the context of making friends and having a positive influence on people, it is best to avoid a confrontation. However, each individual experience will bear fruit and unleash an ideal environment where everyone knows what is best for them and nothing is written in stone to be followed as if it were a recipe.
I conclude with the following quote:
Hate is never defeated by hate but by love," and a misunderstanding is never ended by discussion but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sincere desire to appreciate the point of view of others.
Buda
If an argument ends up breaking out in a misunderstanding that stands up to discord and hate then it is an argument that does not come to anything good, so using other means of effective communication where love and empathy prevail end up being the elements that prevail in an environment where you want to win friends and have a positive influence on other people.
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Hello friend, the truth is a controversial subject, sometimes there are no options not to end in an argument, but I agree that the best thing is to avoid it, I particularly am very peaceful, I am always away from all kinds of confrontations. It is preferable this way to lead a healthy life and mind.
Certainly our health comes first, so having a well being between interpersonal relationships is the best, greetings and thank you for commenting @franyeligonzalez.
True and if we learn this thing, it impacts very good on others. Major problem is Arguments never ends from the both side.And this thing leads to hate. It is the major issue between couple as well. Arguments from both sides. I think first we start giving up then The person in front will learn it too.
Certainly if there is an imbalance in the discussion the other person will end up giving up on that discussion which will bring nothing good. Greetings and thank you for your contribution to this publication.
Greetings friend @carlos84, this book leaves many good lessons. There are situations in which it is difficult not to end up arguing, I suppose that when each one rightly defends his arguments it is difficult not to have a heated discussion. However, it is better to try to identify those situations so as not to waste energy and disturb peace of mind in something that we know will not end well or with benefit to both parties.
What you say is absolutely right, it is difficult that in a discussion of politics or religion both parties involved end up agreeing, that is why when it is religion and politics I prefer not to start a discussion however debatable and enjoyable it may be. Greetings friend @emiliomoron. Thanks for your contribution
Dear @carlos84
I finally managed to put some time aside and catch up with previously bookmarked publications. Interesting choice of topic and solid read. Upvoted already :)
This has been my favourite chapter. One that attracted my attention to this book. One that I've read more than once. Huge eye opener.
Even before reading this chapter, I already knew that trying to win argument doesn't bring me anywhere. I just used to give up. Right now I'm having little bit different view and my approach changed. And I do feel like it changed in right direction.
I actually see it little bit differently. Avoiding won't get us far. We will end up having a confrontation sometimes. And instead of avoiding it - we shall stay calm and try to understand what is the cause of this confrontation. It's important to learn, that PEOPLE WANT TO BE HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD.
By avoiding confrontation - you're losing opportunity to hear out and understand this person. And surely you're losing opportunity to show that you're willing to listen.
I rather like to believe, that ęhate is never defeated by hate but by understanding" :)
ps.
Out of curiousity: Are you still reading this book? Or did you finish already and you're just posting about it? (Im such a slow reader - I didn't even get to middle of it lol)
Stay safe buddy
Yours, Piotr
Hola esteemed leader piotr.
If I still find myself reading the book, I think it is best to be patient and slow in reading the book as you do, because you can get more out of it, i.e. the slower it is because there can be a better understanding of the reading. Greetings and thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this article.