Introducing SaltToken: The Future In Butthurt BlockChain
Okay Folks, some of you might know that I am the mind behind the "famous" No HorseShit Coin. Well, We had to shut down operations because Carlos had a bit of a... breakdown. My Spanish isn't all that good, but it had something to do with too much Coke. Damn, that guy must really like soda. Any case, the other workers got their asses kicked and jumped ship on me. The No HorseShit Coin is officially defunct.
BUT THERE'S GOOD NEWS! I met this guy named... oh hell. I don't remember. He was a really big crypto enthusiast (You shoulda seen this guy's ass tattoo) and I bounced some ideas off of him. He said the absolute best way to get people to look into your shit is to cause a bit of a stir. Divide people a little. Take a dump in their Cheerios. His philosophy was, "ALL Publicity is Good Publicity. Help out with your friend's crypto projects! Do them favors that screws others over, and look for any opportunity to really piss people off!"
It didn't hit me until we parted ways (He had to go to work. Something about this sci-fi movie with Jeff Bridges) and was sobering up at a local Denny's. There were these big NERDS arguing about some NERD stuff. They were really into it! These chicks on one side were talking about how these other dudes were big dweebs because they liked the classics better, and these dudes thought the chicks were sell-outs and not true fans because they enjoyed the "crappy" new stuff. Whatever, right? When you're in the Crypto Game, you know who the REAL dweebs are.
That's when it hit me, but I don't wanna spoil it too soon. Here's the first Draft of my Whitepaper.
SaltToken: A Divisive Decentralized Digital Currency Powered By C.R.A.P. Technology Disrupting The Social Butthurt Economy.
People like to cause trouble, and people like to feel rectal discomfort as a result. In order to make a the next generation Crypto Token for people to complain about, action must be taken. SaltToken is an ERC-20 Token that will be the unit of exchange on social media by folks who know that the future is salty and divisive.
THE BASICS
Total Coin Supply: 1,000,000 (Experimental for Ropsten Testnet Deploy. Disagree with that? Good.)
Symbol: BUTT
C.R.A.P Technology
The top layer of SaltToken Valuation is based on CRAP (Creation of Rifts Asset Protocol). Essentially, it works like this; The holders of the test coin will have an extension in their browser to determine their browsing habits. Don't worry about it. It is secure. An advanced AI run on Windows 95 will analyze the subject matter and place it into a secure ledger. When there are other users who would disagree with other users based on this information, a special formula based on super cool math will create an average number between 1 and 1000000. The more people who disagree, the higher this magic number gets. This - along with volume and other bullshit - will determine the price of the token. It is pump and dump proof: In order to reduce the value, you can't simply just buy an assload. They gotta make people disagree with each other more.
Staking Your Fair Share
An additional protocol will be added in the future that will run on anti-consensus; everybody has to disagree on the ledger in order for it to be approved. If one token holder agrees with another token holder, then the price will plummet. Once this occurs, the staking APR will become negative, and you will end up losing a share of your tokens until you figure out how to be the biggest douche possible and get people to completely disagree with you again. Once maximum anti-consensus is reached, the APR for staking will become positive and people will start earning more BUTT again. It's a basic economic principle; The more butthurt you are, the more BUTT you earn and the more valuable it becomes.
FAQ
You said it's on the Ropsten Test Net, When are you gonna deploy it to the Main Network?
My developer from Vietnam said he could code the the AI and stuff necessary to make it all work properly, and he said he would do it for 50 dollars. That's one hell of a bargain. Once he's done, this bad boy will be on ALL the exchanges. Until then, we are giving away some free tokens on the testnet for anybody who wants them.
How Many Will I Get?
As many as I want to give you. If you disagree, then that's great.
HOW CAN YOU BASE A CRYPTO TOKEN ON PEOPLE BEING DIVISIVE?
Shit, you act like it's something new. I've just tokenized Tribalism. Suck it, I'm gonna be rich.
Wanna Get On This Hate Train?
Awesome. I want you to be the first to test it out. Send it to your friends. Then tell them that the Last Jedi sucked and that Steemit is gonna IMPLODE! That's what we need. Anyways, I know some of you fine folks probably got a MetaMask Account. Good. In order to get some sweet test tokens;
1.) Open up your MetaMask App/Extension/whatever
2.) Switch yourself from the Main Ethereum Network to Ropsten Test Network.
3.) Go to ADD TOKEN, select CUSTOM TOKEN, and put in this contract: 0xe92772E3972a447e62c8FaD5865c334A3ae8205C. Give it a minute, it should pull right up. If not, select the space for "token symbol" and BUTT should pull right up.
4.) Send your account address to my email: [email protected]
5.) I'll Send you some sweet BUTT.
6.) Go disagree with more people. Cause an absolute STINK. Consider it an investment.
CONCLUSION
The ideal among us are probably feeling like this is terrible. Abhorrent. Ridiculous. Maybe they're right! But, that which is ridiculous must be ridiculed, and by doing so you only make me more money. After all, why would I care about the community when I can go for a cash grab instead?
Thanks SO SO MUCH for reading, I REALLY DO Appreciate it (Unlike Dr. CryptoMoto). BTW, those steps are real. DO THEM. Figuring that shit out took awhile. Lots of Googling. Learned a lot though.
This was originally posted on Publish0x by me. It was super fun. I thought maybe some Steemit folks would find it interesting.
Until Next time, watch them markets and avoid the butthurt.