I also became disheartened about the value of my creations. Was there any point to even putting my heart and soul into such things? Were they mere indulgences, dabbling in many forms without mastering anything? Narcissistic, unrealistic stubbornness to not "get a real job" and do something "more productive?"

I can definitely relate to that. (Perhaps minus the last part... I'm pretty confident in following my own path rather than the conventional one of needing to slave away 9-to-5. Fuck that shit. lol.)

Re: mastery... then again, who's to say specialization is an absolute requirement, besides conventional thought in economic theory? Think renaissance man. Such "dabbling" used to, at one point, be an ideal. Sure, sometimes mastery in one thing can be great; but does it really make that much difference in the end, if one's path entails a different form of multi-dimensionality, exploring various avenues and outlets? I suppose the answer is always an individual one - no absolute black-or-white truth fitting all people at all times.

...

writing is more like digestive transmutation. We take words, feelings, impressions, experiences in, and process them into progressively unrecognizable forms that are more agreeable to our mental/emotional system.

We are constantly taking in words through conversation, audible media, books, movies, etc. Our writing is a product of this external stimuli modified by an inner state. In writing, we make conscious decisions in filtering out the extraneous to cut down to what it is we really hope to say. We absorb the nutrients of philosophies that agree with our system and reject other sentiments as toxins. We store techniques we like in our mental organs against the hard times of creative famine and let the rest pass through.

To leave that imperfect metaphor, the beauty in this rumination is found in the fact that what we express often touches others in profound ways. What we write in order to further heal ourselves may become nourishment to a reader in a manner beyond our wildest expectations. Even, and especially, admissions of our own failures, suffering, and poor decisions can become tonics against the vicissitudes of life for more than just ourselves.

Love all this.

Another way of looking at these same concepts: we're merely nodes in a network, each processing and passing on fragments of the larger God Code.

You into Human Design yet?

T'is interesting looking at it through that framework - seeing where we receive / take in through the openness in our designs, and transmit through our definition.

Please share in a comment below—what is it you love to do above all?

I honestly don't feel that's a question I can answer. I've spent many years struggling to try fit into that mold of thinking, choosing one "passion" or direction. But the longer I tried, the more I felt I was just trying to force myself into a box of someone else's definition of what I should be or how I should live. (Also as a Manifesting Generator, we're not designed to do just one thing, but channel our energies into multiple outlets, not necessarily for mastery. Would be interesting if you were also a MG - speaking to that point above.)

I was always leaning towards music being the answer to that question - but have found trying to put that pressure of it being the one thing just fucked up the flow and completely overrode my natural creative cycles with bullshit. Sometimes the creative waves are there for music, and it's great surfing when so - but alot of times, not, and I end up fucking hating it if trying to force...

Meanwhile, sometimes the joy is to be found in writing. Other times, it's hell.

There's been phases where snowboarding or mountain biking is the epitome of bliss. And other times, where the body ain't into it at all.

And then, there are simply times where kicking back and watching YouTube or Netflix is the one thing that feels better than anything else I could be doing.

Thus... multi-dimensionality. I really can't say I prefer any of those activities over the other - "sex" being one option that my mind might be tempted to offer, but even then, there are times I'd rather be doing something else. Each has its own time and place. So if I had to narrow down to one, I'd probably try offer some sneaky answer along the lines to "adapting into whatever activity feels best in the moment." Haha!

I fear that this blog may be a bit schizophrenic in nature.

Not at all. Only to 3-dimensional muggles. lol.

what do you think about poetry vs. prose writing? Being devoted to a craft in the face of external failures? What are your favorite creative outlets? And did you enjoy reading something different on this blog than my "typical" sparse poetry blogs?

Not too much into poetry, in all honesty. Even the stuff I'll occasionally write and slap a "poetry" tag on here, I don't really associate as poetry.

Devoted to a craft in face of external failures... music. It's nuts to think I've actually been "producing" for about two decades, on-and-off, though still feel like a beginner. The amount of frustration I've gone through in the process, OMG. But, there's never any question of continuing - only a matter of slowing down, recalibrating, and approaching differently.

I think the best "thesis" of my experience & insight in that realm might've gotten summed up in this article, "Wisdom Of The Surf."

(I've also been reading a book called "On Writer's Block" that is fucking amazing. I'd highly recommend it if it resonates, as speaks brilliantly to such challenges.)

Haven't read too much of your poetry, but I enjoyed this post. 🙏