Parental Influence.

olawalium (74)in OCD • 3 years ago

It's adorable to have your parents handle things for you and also desire the best for you but that influence shouldn't extend to the point where they think they know what's best for you especially in your marital journey. If you have been used to Nigerian parents then you would understand how they want to control every aspect of your life even to the kind of person you marry, at least, most of them. If you give them that freehand, they would also tell you when to sleep with your wife and when to add another baby (well, some parents pressure their children to give birth again anyway).

It pains me to see this happen over and over again and I feel a lot of the issue might be with the child who has shown that he or she hasn't matured enough which would make the parent think they can't trust him or her to make such a delicate decision. Most parents let go of control when the child stands his or her ground to make them know it's his or her mistake to make which would be learnt from if anything goes wrong.

Some parents would go to any length as well just to exert their dominance on their child. Most parents need to understand that their children don't need to re-live their lives because they have done their bit, they should allow their children to live theirs with only guidance that is expected from them as parents, not exertion.

A friend of mine spoke with me earlier today to tell me her Pastor's mum called him from the U.S.A to check up on him and ask him if he has any lady in his life. He said he has someone and the pastor said he would pray about it. He called him back to say that the present lady he is with, their relationship is 50-50 (it can work and might not work) but he has a name that popped up to him when he was praying 🤣🤣😂😂. He told my friend the name, asked him to go and pray about it and later on, he sent the details of the lady with her pictures to him.

The moment he told me, I told him this has the signature of his mum written all over it. We have always known her to be assertive...always want things to be the way she wants them to be and he confirmed my suspicion after he chatted with the lady and said the Pastor already told his mum about her since 2019. So, they have been waiting since then to link them up and I was surprised a man of God could say he heard that name when he was praying when it was obvious they were planning this for a long time now.

pexels-photo-4843390 (1).jpeg
[Source]

Another issue I have with this arrangement was when he told me that the lady said she already had the mind she would be married before she clocks 30 and since that wasn't possible and she would be 31 next year, that means she wants to get married next year - coming from someone he just got to know barely 2 weeks ago. I don't understand the race people have and the desperation to get married at a certain age. I understand that time is going and they want things all planned out but life happens. That desperation can only lead you to marry the person that is wrong for you because you won't have time to check the warning signs, you would ignore and endure things you shouldn't all because you want to get married?

This is how many people train themselves to get married only to want out less than a year because it wasn't love that led them there but companionship. Don't pick a partner because you think you are running out of time. Don't pick anyone because you feel you are lonely. I don't understand why many people feel they are unfulfilled because of how society sees their marital status or inability to have a child. I am struggling to wrap my head around it.

Most parents do more harm to their children than good. They won't be around for long and yet their children would be the ones suffering the consequences of their over assertiveness. It's not fair because it has destroyed a lot of children and they are left picking up the broken pieces with their parents who aren't around to help them pack.

People who lack focus and goals are those who think they can never be fulfilled if they don't marry before a certain age. Don't get me wrong, by all means, marry but it doesn't have to be by desperation. Don't allow anyone to force things on you which you would naturally not accept. In my language, we used to say "What you cannot endure as a rich man, you reject it right from before you even get rich." We need to be intentional about our lives and only then can we make a better decision that suits us.

Whatever phase of life you are in, it would pass. Don't act due to desperation but nurture whatever you have. Of course, you can meet people in a short while and fall in love but watch out for those warning signs. Don't overlook what would affect you later in the future because you want a title to your name. We can all do better.

This post also appeared here and it's my original work on my blog on Read.Cash.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.

Still me,