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RE: The Eye of the Storm — reflections (and vote for witnesses!)

in OCD4 years ago

@d-pend I must say since I discovered your blog, it has become a favourite!

Forgive me for leaving yet another comment under your post.


In fact, it is due to our "beingness" that anything we do or have has any value whatsoever.
People want to be in our presence not because of what we have or do but because of what we are and are becoming.

To be honest, I've felt growing up (and even now) that as a quiet contemplative soul I tend to be overlooked. To be regarded as invisible by people around me, like a wallflower.

As such, I noticed that I would give (and sometimes over-give), and yet I realise giving of myself doesn't lead people to notice me any more than they did in the past. They'll take whatever I offer them - time, resources, attention, love - and carry on obliviously.

But your statement in bold just stopped me in my tracks.

I shouldn't have to try so hard to prove that what I have or do is valuable.


Is this the ultimate paradox: that the moment one just is and ceases to "add" anything on to prove his or her worthiness in the eyes of others, that person just gained inner power and naturally draws others to him or her?

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@d-pend I must say since I discovered your blog, it has become a favourite! Forgive me for leaving yet another comment under your post.

I'm flattered :-) And I love having discussions, so comment any time you feel like it!

As such, I noticed that I would give (and sometimes over-give), and yet I realise giving of myself doesn't lead people to notice me any more than they did in the past. They'll take whatever I offer them - time, resources, attention, love - and carry on obliviously.

I can relate to that. I'll paraphrase what I've read about the phenomenon of being a "giver" — we often tell ourselves that we are giving freely and want nothing in return, but subconsciously, we are actually manipulating those we believe we serve into being a certain way for us. Then we become upset that they "don't appreciate" what we have to offer and perceive ourselves in as exploited. The result is sometimes a vacillation between eagerly 'helping' others (often in ways they really don't want to be) and keeping totally to ourself so others can't "take advantage of us."

There is of course the complementary phenomenon of the chronic "taker" personality, who believes that having others give them time, energy, and resources will result in a feeling of power and fulfillment. Since they are run by desires which endlessly proliferate, they are never satisfied by exploiting the "giver" personality type and the relationship eventually deteriorates.

As usual, this is merely conceptual and a false dichotomy — in reality we all contain the archetypes of the giver and the taker within us, and are really craving to come to a balance where we discover that "giving and receiving are the same." But perhaps I'm digressing?

I shouldn't have to try so hard to prove that what I have or do is valuable.

Yes! While an extremely empowering realization, I find it necessary to constant remind myself — and let others remind me, too.

Is this the ultimate paradox: that the moment one just is and ceases to "add" anything on to prove his or her worthiness in the eyes of others, that person just gained inner power and naturally draws others to him or her?

The way you expressed this reminds me of the Daoist concept of wu wei — actionless action. We make things happen by being content and doing nothing; then everything comes and goes effortlessly without us needing to cling to anything. The paradox is that when we want something so badly to fill what we perceive as our emptiness, we cannot get it. If we feel already full and let go of needing it, it suddenly comes. What a trip!

P.S. By the by, I noticed you use British spellings. Mind me asking where you hail from? I'm hyper-attentive to that sort of thing. I often feel the urge to mix in alternate spellings especially in poetry. I love the way it gives the same word a different 'flavour.' :-D !ENGAGE 37

So, so true!

I have been realising more that separating giving and receiving is just not the way to conceptualise them - for starters, no one can give without receiving.

And when we truly, truly feel loved and supported (i.e. receive), love will be overflowing and touch the lives of those around us.


And about wu wei...

I feel like that is my rightful form of taking action, even though it may appear as lazy in this hyper-productive world.

When I lean back, and not try to control or micromanage everything, it flows much more smoothly.


P.S. You're extemely perceptive! I hail from Singapore (a former British colony). But I have lived in the States for a few years. (:

I have been realising more that separating giving and receiving is just not the way to conceptualise them - for starters, no one can give without receiving. And when we truly, truly feel loved and supported (i.e. receive), love will be overflowing and touch the lives of those around us.

100%!

I feel like that is my rightful form of taking action, even though it may appear as lazy in this hyper-productive world.

I enjoy living a slower-paced life where I can appreciate the little things. What is the point, after all, in burning ourselves out as workaholics and damaging our health just to achieve society's version of "success?"

I hail from Singapore (a former British colony).

Oh, that's really interesting! I don't know many people from Singapore, but from what I've seen it's a really unique place. !ENGAGE 20

Yes, it's not only the length of our lives that matter, but also the quality of our lives - and that's dependent on the presence we bring to each moment.


What have you heard of Singapore?

Singapore's generally lovely, except for the extremely fast pace of life (I'm probably an outlier). But then again, that's inevitable for most urban cities.

Completely agree.

I first heard of Singapore when I was in 6th grade or so; my close friend's dad had a job over there and he told me about his experience when he came back. I mainly remember him saying that the laws were really strict, haha.

Other than that, I don't know much about its history other than being a unique melting pot of cultures and having English as the main language. Also watched a mini-documentary talking about how much of the natural habitat was destroyed in the process of urbanization and the attempt to "re-green" the city areas by implementing green architecture, which I find really fascinating. !engage 15

—Now what was that called again? Oh yeah, biophilic architecture.



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