" no way in Hell is anyone going to walk that high using stairs" - just this last weekend I saw a cool docu about some urbex guys running 100 floors up to hang on ledges in the emptyness above. Of course, there was necessity for them, as secrecy plays a big part of whether their endeavour is successful or not.
About the "elevator omerta" - you should try moving closer, maybe even awkwardly close to the person reading their phone and try to read their screen. Or maybe they're just like the rest of us and scrolling their screens in secret prayer of the ride of hell to finish soon.
Ha! But what if nobody's on their phone? It's tight, everyone's staring down and that chubbier guy has a weird smile on his face and is breathing heavilly.
Then you should just let a sneaky smelly fart into the mix. Everyone would blame the chubby guy with the weird smile!
Clever thinking!