I have fears and I have FEARS

I’m just a human and I suffer from this feeble human condition called imperfection, it’s something in me and I’m pretty sure it’s in you. Not unless you’re Elon Musk because he’s perfect and I’m dead certain he doesn’t shit, the rest of us are just mortals, fucking people. Every day I struggle with things that scare me, sometimes compounded and other times, stand-alone; whether philosophical and trivial, I have some serious worries that fuck with my head

I am really scared of falling, and not falling in love or anything fancy like that, I mean just falling, especially from heights. I hate pain, I hate that crunch my body makes when it hits the ground, perhaps others like it but I fucking don’t When I’m standing in high places and look down, the ground starts spinning and I get dizzy. I avoid tall buildings and bridges, oh God I hate bridges. I literally feel them swiveling, like someone is at one end shaking it and trying to throw me off.

... I don’t want to die in the toilet

It’s an awful place to be in I tell you. Most of my worries are in a hurry and then there are some that I simply can’t fix; like my fear of loneliness. The thought of being alone or forgetting everyone I love, that messes with my head. One day I’m going to be old and everyone I can relate with will be a distant memory, what the fuck am I going to do with my life then? I hope I have nerdy grandkids that will want to hear old stories about how life used to be in 2020, long before Elon Musk transferred his consciousness into a machine and made us all his slaves.

I’m petrified of things I can predict but the ones that scare me more are those that are simply not in my control, like a snake creeping up the toilet and biting my ass when I’m doing the business. The memory of a snake biting that guys penis in Snakes on a plane is still stuck in my memory. Damn, nobody should experience that, God no. Shoot my head instead. Every time I’m taking a shit, I say a short prayer to God, please don’t make this my last shit, I don’t want to die in the toilet.

People are just people and no matter what you do, they’ll judge you. I look at celebrities and public figures who put their lives out there for public scrutiny and I’m like wow, you’re really trying. My heart pounds from submitting assignments or even participating in writing contests and stuff on Steem. Yet there are people out there comfortable with millions of opinions, damn, you’re the real MVP.

Needles, who invented those things. The world would be a lot better without them don’t you think? I mean the needles used by nurses to put a hole in your backside, yes those damn things. What’s the big idea? We’re fine with drugs damn it, you didn’t have to take it so far. I hate them so much and by extension sharp objects, or should I say people who play with sharp objects. I don’t even get those guys, WHY will you be waving around a knife in the name of play? Why? Are you the devil? Seriously, fuck those guys.

The only thing scarier than needles are people allowed to carry needles and sharp objects around my face. No, these guys aren’t playing and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. I’m talking about Dentists, why are they so scary? I’d rather have my tooth punched out than visit a dentist.

When I say fuck my life, I mean it because I have so many fears and deep down, I’m envious of people who just live life carefreely. How do you just jump out of an airplane or snort cocaine? I’m trying to live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment, I’ll do the most I can with the time I have and hopefully get over my fear of these things that bother me…except playing with knives, no seriously, fuck those guys.

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My alternate account is @arsenal4life. I post about Arsenal football club and share it on twitter