Self-growth, accepting my hair, discovering my strengths, Just Growing...
Autogrowth, accepting my hair
When you have dark skin and curly or frizzy hair it's hard to accept you, when I was a child all the pretty girls were white with straight hair, the other kids made fun of me because of my hair and lips, on TV the beautiful characters never looked like me, and to this day getting a costume for a girl with afro or very curly hair is difficult, the only princess with my features has her hair up all the way through the movie.
I remember how it hurt when I was combed as a child, my family didn't know how to handle my hair, they always made me super tight buns that only caused teasing from others, they would ask me why my braid stayed stiff, and I still feel uncomfortable when they ask me, I have taken humor as a shield, it's the first time I admit that it affects me. As a child all I wanted was to be able to let my hair down like everyone else, to be able to go out with my hair down and be free. I really enjoyed going to the beach or the pool, because with the water my hair would finally lose its volume, but when it dried it would fluff up even more than before. I spent my whole life hearing that my hair was bad and the worst thing is that I believed it for many years, so I did everything I could to collect it or hide it, I felt horrible physically because of that, so when I was 11 years old my hair treatments started, I remember the first time my mom flat ironed my hair, at the time it looked amazing, but when I went to the event the next day, it was matted and frizzy, the magic only lasted a few hours, it wasn't worth all the physical suffering, I can still hear my mom say ¨ To be beautiful you have to look at the stars¨ 😒.
Of my 3 sisters I am the only one with curly hair, I got it from my mom, but she has so much time applying treatments that I have never seen her natural. I didn't understand why I couldn't be like my older sisters, they are so pretty and I got to be the ugly duckling, with my big lips and frizzy hair. Treatment after treatment that I always hated, all to be someone I am not. I had finally achieved what I wanted, but everything has its consequences, like bad smell in my hair because of the products, scabs on my scalp or the worst of all, my hair was splitting. So I decided to make the change.
Against my mom's wishes, the teasing and my low self-esteem, I made the best decision of my life, not to mistreat my crown anymore. The transition was not easy, it was not straight nor curly and I had no idea how to take care of it, in a sudden twist of history, my mom decided to help me, with natural moisturizers. You have no idea how much cream you spend, so my mommy would buy me a super big pot of cream from a very good brand for me alone, it's a lot since we were 3 women at home. I was about 15 years old, I had just started a new school, in that arts school I met a graphic design teacher who was so cool in every way, afro and curly hair, tall and thin, with an attitude that said I don't care $#/"@ what you think about my looks, it was like a divine message, I wanted to be like her, talented, strong and confident, I thought that if I met those qualities I could feel beautiful too.
In those school days I felt dull, I was letting my hair down little by little, I used a lot of cream to flatten it, until one day a young girl a few years older looked at me and said, ¨chama your hair is beautiful¨, but you should let it down more and she put her hands in my hair and let down what I had fixed with a lot of cream, I had never received a compliment for my hair, that moment changed my life.
I left the complexes in the past, my hair gained strength and I began to feel beautiful because I had finally gathered the qualities. Strangers passed by in cars and shouted at me in the street things like ¨See if you comb your hair¨, ¨Beware of a louse¨, there were also the adults who think it's funny to ask me what happens if I get a louse, I don't understand what gives them the right to think they can give an opinion about my appearance, but I no longer cared, what I thought of me has more value, there were also those who told me ¨I love your hair¨, people who stopped for a moment just to give me compliments, the important thing is that there are more compliments than insults.
Even though I'm 1.53 cm tall and I'm not very intimidating, I feel beautiful, inside and out, all the complexes that tormented me made me stronger, now I'm the inspiration for others to be themselves. It has also happened to me that there are people who have only been interested in me because of my appearance and not because of how I am as a person, but I have been able to get them out of my way. Now I know that as long as I am a good person I will always be beautiful, I love every part of me and I will always show it off, because I have nothing to hide.
