RE: A Ballad about a Ballad, in Two Parts
I think I must have had the opposite reaction to you, "I can write a ballad, but it has to be about a legend !" lol but you did an exceptional job of rising to this :)
The story in this is so beautiful. It has the subtlety of pastels, conjuring an image of evening tones drifting through an open window, to these final moment. The sense of emotion and history come through so strong through out every verse.
the man who’d never gone walking
This verse struck me with such a sense of pride wound up in affection. The contrast of the man once known and the man known now really captures the history of a life time and that unique depth of relationship between parent and child.
a tapestry of nearly never-told stories
I love the two-fold element in this poem, so much sadness bound in the gift of sharing. Stories that weren't told until the end, it made me think a lot of members of my own family. We lost a great aunt last year, we had been there at the end but in her final moments, she didn't share anything of herself, just her concerns for us, taking time out of day to be there. In going through her things we discovered so much we will never get to ask her about now, things will we never know. The 'nearly never-told' really got me, its easy not to share, to feel like it isn't worth the time of others, and equally it's easy not to listen, to be caught up in the humdrum of life and not give someones recollections the weight they are due. It really made me want to do everything I can to make as many of the stories I haven't heard yet just that, nearly never told.
He did speak of abnormal things
I love these two verses, they capture that impossible-to-capture dreaminess of memories shared by someone looking back. The fragments that seems absurd, and might be, but then might be exactly what happened.
I maintained that the s mattered much, much more,
but he never did hear me disagree
this is such a perfect note. It carries respect and affection, as well as a sense of self that most parents would be so proud to know their child possessed.
The way you end this is so powerful, the truth built on maintains it's thread throughout, and the human moment at the end is really moving. Gut filling emotion that smudges the eyes. Thank you, this was a pleasure to read.
Hi I'm back. I'm really affected by your comment and I want to say more.
Your Aunt. So much is gone when a person dies. All they knew, all they could have said, all they wanted to say. Your aunt wanted to show her concern for you, there's nothing more loving than that.
My character said all he had always wanted to be, but was not. Then at the last he became a sage. There's that sage deep within each of us. I think that's what my story was trying to say, especially in the second 'part'.
I didn't really know why I felt compelled to include that until now.
You chose some of my favorite lines to highlight.
The best comments teach me something I didn't even know about my own work. You've written one of those.
That leaped out at me too - what a profound insight - all of us have true stories
that come squeaky clean when we tell. Not because we lie and tell only the parts that make us look good, but because we may leave out some of the sordid details and focus on the good - but I'm getting lost now in the theology of poetry and the distillation of the truth. That's the word I was after. In the telling, these stories may be distilled - purified, condensed - if that makes sense!
It also reminds me of the sacrament of Confession: it is in the telling that we come "clean."
To focus on the good brings us closer to truth. I like that.
Oh wow thank you!
Doesn't get better than that. It's lovely to be writing with you.