I am grateful

I wasn't sure I wanted to write about gratitude today until this evening. I had some discussions with myself, and we talked about almost everything that has ever come and gone. And I said, 'I am grateful for you, Samson.

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I'm not sure I have ever said this to myself before. I don't remember now but from today, I am learning to remember to say it myself every day and actually mean it.

There are so much I need to always thank myself for and if you had met me some five years ago, you'd understand better.

I do not seek permission anymore - to live, be, laugh and cry, to love and dislike. I sought permission to do almost everything some years ago and when I thought of it today, it made me mad in a funny way.

I am living, wilding, being and feeling every other thing I want to feel whenever and bearing the consequences and I do not wait anymore to be asked to feel before I do.

I have become more outspoken. I say things the way they are now and I say what I feel and want. I say no and yes when I want now and I wasn't even this way some 4/months ago.

I am continually growing. This still shocks me. That I have become open to learning, to change. And I am steadily looking for opportunities to make me better.

I have always had so much love in my heart, I know and I have always wanted to give. But I never ever thought about what I wanted and deserved too. So I would give and give until I had become empty and I would fall back and lay on the ground until I am refilled again.

Now, I have learnt how I deserve love and kindness and I am getting them. I am out to get more, even much more than I have given.

I am thankful for me for accepting myself; all of me. My strengths and weaknesses. For accepting healing in all the places I have been wounded and for still staying in that process.

I am more thankful to myself for choosing to live every day. For being a badass bitch too tough for all the challenges and pains I have seen to put and pin me down.

I never realized how much I had done for me and all of the gratitude I owe myself until today.

I want to begin on a conscious self-care routine to find better ways to make myself feel happy and better. And my self-gratitude will be the first and second thing on the list.