ABOUT A STIGMA I FIND TROUBLING

There have been too many stigmas stretching from race/tribes to religion, personal decisions, and even things beyond human control.

But of all the stigmas I know of, the most troubling of all is the stigma around divorced women.
Divorce for women, comes with so much more than I can write.

This stigma the society has put around it pushes women into a place of shame. A place of guilt. So, when a woman faces domestic violence, unhappiness, or any other form of abuse and wants to up and leave, she stays put because she wants to save her marriage even when the other party doesn't.

She stays put because even with swollen eyes and patches on her face, she would be asked why she was so desperate to leave her marriage.

She would be asked if she knew how much negative impact a divorce would have on their children.
And she would never be told that a bad marriage would do worse.

I know a woman who is staying put not just because of her children but also because she fears he might take another woman should she leave.

So, she stays to take all the beatings. All verbal and emotional abuse. All of which happens right in front of the children.
And it hurts me.

This stigma teaches women to feel they are inadequate and are losers should they leave their marriages.
It projects this notion of 'marriage is forever' regardless of whatever goes on in it. And when a woman walks because she fears her 'forever' might be the next hour, she is called a failure.

But when it is the man, then something must be wrong with the woman. This happens a lot of times.
One time, I had heard in a story how a woman who left her marriage because she was unhappy and was emotionally and verbally abused, lost her friends - her married friends especially.

They feared she would bring bad lucks to them. Although they never told her this, they were heard in their silent whispers and the rumors that flew from a wall to another.

A woman thinks about all of these, plus the possibilities of finding another man who wouldn't be senseless enough to be among these close-minded people if she leaves. That is if she ever does think about this.
She thinks about surviving with her children and goes the extra mile to play both parents.
And yet she still gets judged?

It might surprise you to know but 95% of women who have ever left their marriages actually tried to save it. To 'fight.'
But the society doesn't know this because the woman is supposed to hold and build the home. To pray fervently if anything goes bad.

To try, else, she would be called a damaged woman. She would be written off because she doesn't belong to the group of people in our normal society. And she would be treated as a thing that stinks. Just because she left a thing that doesn't serve her anymore.

The thing is, no matter how life-threatening a marriage is, there are people who will disagree with divorce.
This is the reason some women are still trapped in marriages that drain them. Marriages that saps out their energies every minute.

However, a lot of women have defied the stigma and walked out even with the most difficult conditions.
They damned the society and secured their lives.
These women are the real MVPs.
They are the women I stand with.

I hope they continue to understand that they are not abnormal nor losers.