A Painful Memory

This was the way I lived for 17years, then, Barbra came…
It started with a rumor, then it was on the TV and radio, everyone was talking about it, parents panicked and some protested…

It happened 7 years ago, a 10 year old girl was sentenced to prison for the murder of her Father; it was reported that she stabbed him twenty-one times and locked him inside a deep-freezer while she stayed indoors with him and never stepped out for 10days. The neighbors said they became worried after 2days when they notice no one had left the house and yet, TV noise was heard in the room.

Their suspicion arose after the 10days, when they began to perceive some offensive odor coming from the house, prior to the 3days power shortage. They knocked but no one answered, so they called the police. When the police came, they broke in and saw her eating on the floor in the dark room, they asked her what was smelling and she said, pointing to the freezer; “my father”. Her father’s body was found half-decomposed in the freezer… her name was Barbra.

There was a fire outbreak in the Juvenile detention center, and the Government decided to send the kids to public schools around, and after staying in juvenile for 7 years, Barbra was being transferred to our school…

I could remember the first day she came, one would have thought that a celebrity was visiting, all the students were outside, awaiting her arrival including me. I remember the look in her eyes when she stepped out of the patrol car, I was expecting her to be scared, but she wasn’t, she looked confident. She was hand-cuffed and had an ‘Inmate Locator’ tied around her left leg. Immediately she was un-cuffed, she looked around as if she was enjoying the view, she smiled sharply and went straight to her locker, then to her class which happened to be my class.

The atmosphere was awkward during the first lecture, she sat close to me and I was kind of jealous of her because all attention was on her, not on me today. The first class was mathematics, the teacher asked for a formula and no one knew the answer except me, as usual, I wrote it in my notebook and starred at it, but I couldn’t say it out loud for fear of being intimidated by other kids. Then, Barbra peeked into my notebook, rose her hand and answered the question. I looked at her aback, and she smiled at me…

Things became more awkward during lunch break. As usual, I was eating alone, then she walked in, it was kind of difficult not to notice because she drags her foot on the ground while walking. Everyone quickly turned their gaze at her, she was holding a tray, but no one seemed to welcome her, then she looked over at my side, and I panicked. She then approached me and sat down beside me. Everywhere became quiet for a second, then, as if a time bomb exploded, they all roared a laughter. I was so ashamed, but she didn’t seem to notice, she did, but she didn’t care. I fixed my gaze at her, but she ignored me, then she suddenly dropped her fork, looked into my eyes and said;
“WHAT?”

Disgusted with myself, I scooted my chair to my desk and concentrated on my meal. This time, she was staring at me, she looked away as soon as I turned to look at her. I caught the quick flash of her grin before she looked away;
“This is funny to you?” I asked rather sternly.

She didn’t answer me, she just concentrated on other kids that were staring at us, and then she took her fork, and stabbed the plate in an aggressive way, as if to remind them of her history. As soon as they saw this, fear ran through their faces and they quickly looked away.

I lost my appetite immediately and walked out of the dinner. I went straight into the detention room and as usual, I sat down at the back seat and looked through the window, enjoying my view of the balcony. There they were, girls, making out with their boyfriends while some were smoking; I just loved their life, but that was the closest I could get. I didn’t notice when Barbra walked in behind me;
“What are you looking at?”

I jumped out of my seat startled, I gave her a daring look; “are you following me?”
“You seemed to be the only one who isn’t scared of me” she said almost laughing; “other kids think I might slit their throat” she added.

“Do you blame them?” I asked purposely to get her angry
“Ouch!” she said rather amused, “So, what are you looking at?” She looked outside the window; “ohh, poor thing! You seemed to be alone in this small world” she winked “I can see you enjoy their life style, why don’t you just walk up to them?” she looked at me from head to toe, the she chuckled; “ooh, you don’t stand a chance” then she started laughing.
I on the other hand was burning with anger, I felt like hitting her so hard, but then I couldn’t I was too weak, the only thing I was permitted to hit was a fly, I was too weak to get angry.

“I will take the lead” I said as I started towards the door
“I can help you though” she said; “I can help you get what you want the most” then she said thoughtfully, “What could that be… Respect?”

I stood, still. I wanted to go, but I couldn’t take another step, I wanted to tell her that I didn’t need the helper of a murderer, and that she could go to hell, but all that came out was;
“Really?”…