"Steemit Philippines Photography Contest Week #6 - LIFE STORY - Share a Great Memory of a Deceased Loved One)"| A Strangered Father

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How can you miss someone who hasn't been there ever since?

It has been 2 years since my father passed away. But it is still very fresh of how I mourned for him. I grew up in a home where tough love is being showed to us by our parents, specially my mom. I was always pampered by my father because I was the youngest. He has always been my saviour ever since. He would buy me special clothes and toys, and even bring me to expensive resorts. But everything just slowly disappear in my memory as he left us.

He was the smartest person I have ever known. But became stupid for choosing to leave us behind and went to another path. So to answer that question, you can unlearn to miss someone whom you never grew with.

But why saying goodbye hurts so much?

I never thought it was his last day, with the tiniest affection and concern I have shown to him as I visit him why was I deeply hurt? And on his last day why were soo many people so hurt as he left? He hasn't been a good father, he hasn't been a good husband and much more of a grandfather, but why a lot of people mourn for his death.

I get to read a comment posted on his wall saying their goodbye to my father, it wasn't special but reading those comments made me cry. And I questioned myself, How can he be a father to them and not to me? How can he be able to guide them in their chosen career and advice them to a right path and not me?. I was his own daughter and I didn't even get to hear him advice me or just tell me life's choices.

Memories they have with my father and not with me this what makes people cry in funerals. Your not crying because he is gone but you are crying because you held on to that good memory you have for him. That happy moment, which I never had. But what made me cry upon his death? It was when I saw that he was a father to so many but never to me.

That he could have lots of photos with other people not even related him but not with me, his own daughter. I don't have any favorite memory of him to cry on, because a lot of those memory faded as time flies. Making him an exemption in my dreams and ambitions. Erasing every bit of his memory. But I cry because I was envious, it could have been me, I wanted some of that nagging from him, or even scolded me if I have done wrong. Corrected me in mistakes I make. But instead of me he was a father to other people's children. And he didn't even make an effort to make me feel how it is to be a daughter once again.

I hate goodbyes more than anything, I hate being left behind. At times I remember him and thought of those days I was with him, I remember him but not what he has done.

Mourning can come in different reasons, you cry because you couldn't accept, there are times that he is gone too soon. Whatever reason it maybe nobody has prepared us for someones loss. But what is important is the people left behind can move on and continue living.

Letting go and letting them have their peace doesn't mean you love them less but giving them all your love for them to keep. Love for them may not be their reason to stay but at least it is their reason to move forward.

To my father, I never loved you less. I wish we could have more time together. Hoped for a better relationship with you, but maybe this was the path we can only have. But despite the fact this path wasn't as great, I am still happy seeing you again even with the very short time.

**I invite @georgie84, @traderpaw @rosevillariasa to share their post too..