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RE: There really is no toilet paper...
I'm already ready for the no toiler paper post-apocalypse 😃. There are many ways to use them. Primarily, when siting down, position the nozzle just underneath your balls, right between your legs. Once it's there, aim towards your anus, then shoot.
The mess is avoided by shooting towards to back of the bowl, so you won't splash bits of all over . Keep shooting until you think its clean, and toiler-paper can be used for drying the water, but you could use a towel too, if there's no TP 💩😆...