Freewrite -- Day 1549 -- "wilderness"

In the wilderness of longing I wander, senses deprived.

There is so much I once took for granted. The quality of my vision. The silence when I put my head to the pillow at night. Now my ears screech and roar like the incantations of massive detuned buzzsaws.

If there is such a thing as a wasted wish, how will I ever know the difference?

I yearn to employ myself in the task of stemming the tides of aging, of maintaining what once was (not good enough). At the time, there were loftier goals to behold, and I had the self-belief to follow them (for a time).

Then I wonder whether that is not too modest a yearning. But, could anything be more immodest than to take a stand against time?

I fear I will lose either way. Yet I do not want to live in fear, base my decisions in fear.

I will make my stand, in full faith, with self-confidence. It'll be like when I was a kid all over again.

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#freewrite #reflections #wilderness #longing #steemexclusive

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