I changed my mind and did it anyway

When I am not moving and I start to think about doing something, it seems like every movement is made of a million mini minutiae. Miniatures are just things that are supposed to look smaller than you think they'd look, and still in perfect proportion. These "somethings" I am talking about "doing" are not, like, those kinds of monolithic accomplishments i.e. journeys of a thousand steps each that each begin with a step. No, and to take this the helpful step further, these aren't even on the level of household tasks or routine household repairs. No, on this level, we are not talking about the days of our lives, merely the skein of things which we may, but may not, call moments. E.g. putting the vehicle in reverse. We're not even talking about the fact that earlier I strapped in and fired up, or that later I will have to nudge the wheel to avoid the jutting stack of hoses. We're talking about sitting stiff here contemplating doing something I am going to do but how? And how can it be so resistant? Is it a long way for a hand to travel thereabouts 2' to get to the shift? What matters most in the deep fevrier freeze? When records are breaking, windchills are 30 below F, and the strays are huddling in dumpsters?

It makes you feel inhuman to leave those poor cats out there when you can't stand a full minute barefoot on the tarmac and at that in the heat of the day. But what's one more thing to hate yourself over? Realistically if Tolstoy had cut his title in half and just written War he would have had to triple the length becuz war is a neverending story, and for all we know time is actually traveling backwards and that title was already taken.

It really drives Kenneth Mister bananas when I think like this, becuz he is a mesmerist with the curse of clairvoyance. No I don't think it was clairvoyance. It's the thing where you hear other people's thoughts. And since he's my roommate, it gets kind of embarrassing when I think things I don't want to think. Especially about his smell.

"Yes I can hear you thinking about me again Desmond."

"Oh shut up Kenneth you know you smell worse than the plague."

"I can't help it I was born 25% hyena." Yes, Kenneth Mister was a true-blue chimera -- 25% hyena, and the rest was all moron.

"And I'm sure you can't help it that all your clients left you becuz you laughed at all their problems."

"I can't help it I have a robust sense of humor." Not to mention 3 simultaneous bankruptcies filed in 4 different states. One of the cases he filed 25% of in Rhode Island and 75% of in Georgia. It made a lot of sense to him at the time, as did consuming his team of lawyers over an informal brunch session. He didn't even give them clean deaths, just ate them alive.

"I couldn't help it I was hungry."

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#who #what #why #when #whichever #freewrite

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