Die Hard 2½
The following is my screenplay for the comedy-thriller - Die Hard 2½. Hope you enjoy!
DIE HARD 2½
After Holly has been killed by a coconut to the head on their summer vacation in Norway, John is down and out. Suspended for police brutality, he binge-watches Netflix. However, once again a new threat emerges on a new X-mas and our tenacious everyday hero must spring into action to save the day.
SCENE: BLACK BACKGROUND WHITE TEXT.
Text explains how Holly McClane died, that John is suspended and whatnot.
SCENE: JOHN’S LIVING ROOM. AFTERNOON.
John is sitting in a couch watching Netflix with a Pringles™ can in one hand, casually chomping through them. Next to him lies many emptied cans. On the table in front of the couch, and overfilled ashtray, empty beer cans and Pepsi™ bottles. Form the TV – sounds from The Room™. Several times John waves the can in an obvious way, that helps the viewer see the brand.
John takes a photo of him and Holly that stood on some empty beer cans, holds it close to his chest and yells out with his mouth full of chips that spill out everywhere like ash and lave from an explosive volcano.
John puts down the photo and takes a bottle of cheap brandy in a way that exposes the brand to the viewer, takes a large gulp and throws the bottle violently into the TV, breaking both, while screaming. The sound from The Room™ stops.
SCENE: BAD GUY DIAMOND HEIST. NEAR ATLANTA. DAY.
Possibly explain via white texts on black screens or by use free creative commons or stock footage, due to..budget reasons.
Clyde who is videogame obsessed nerd, takes a diamond factory hostage. The workers and leaders of the factory are led to a room filled with explosives, while the Clyde’s henchmen loot the factory. The room with the prisoners is rigged to explode if the authorities try anything. The authorities try a rescue operation but fail when the SWAT team demands hazard pay. The governments budget has all been spent on tax cuts to the wealthy, so a standstill ensues.
Clyde demand they send in John McClane alone and unarmed, so McClane can solve the situation like in a video game.
SCENE: INSIDE RANDOM AIRPLANE PROB. NIGHT, MIGHT BE DAY
John McClane character is unhappy with how his steak is cooked. He asked for rare and it was medium-rare. He complains to a steward, then escalates by asking for the manager (captain). The captain comes down to John’s seat. John complains his complaint is dismissed. John pushes the steward away and grabs the captain by the collar and headbutts him through the window; then carefully sits down and straps on his seatbelt.
Steward walks toward John’s seat:
SCENE: GROUNDED AIRPLANE. DAY.
John is brought into custody. No dialogue. John looks cheerful.
SCENE: NON-DESCRIPT POLICE STATION HOLDING CELL. DAY.
John is released as it turned out the captain of the plane was Hans Gruber’s brother and he was using the plane to smuggle heroin for kids.
Prison guard walks to cell to release John:
SCENE: INTERMISSION. BLACK SCREEN.
Countdown of 60 seconds in Inuit language spelling out the numbers as text.
SCENE: STREET IN DOWNTOWN ATLANTA ON THE WAY TO THE POLICE BLOCKADE. DAY.
John has just bought a bologna sandwich, but a passing jerk rips it out of his hands and throws it on the ground with a vicious look on his face.
John then kicks the jerk in the balls and puts a knee in the crumbling man’s face.
As John is towering over the jerk squirming in agony:
SCENE: JOHN ARRIVES AT POLICE ROADBLOCK NEAR DIAMOND FACTORY. DAY.
John surveys the scene, meets the leading police officer.
SCENE: BAHAMAS BEACH. DAY.
Mostly clips. Liberal use of stock footage and creative commons footage.
John and detective Hansen frolicking around on the beach. Random shots showing waves, palm trees, huts, tiny fishing boats and beachgoers having fun.
John and detective Hansen playing beach volley, eating seafood. John puking after getting food-poisoning. A swimming pool, hotels, paragliders, surfers and sunbathers.
QUICK CUT TO.
SCENE: JOHN AND HANSEN SITTING AT TABLE BY BEACH HUT. DAY. SUNNY.
Setting is a beach table in the sand with a parasol and colorful drinks and watermelon slices on the table. John is reading the Wall Street Journal and Hansen is reading a dictionary.
Sitting across from each other.
SCENE: BAD GUY ARRIVES ON BAHAMIAN BEACH IN SPACE-X ROCKET. DAY.
Liberal use of stock footage from SpaceX boosters returning to landing pads.
Clyde arrives in a SpaceX booster rocket. Footage shows landing and Clyde leaving from an inexpensive prop rocket. Clyde is visibly scarred and injured.
SCENE: COMMERCIAL BREAK.
Commercials in which the actors advertise the products and break the 4th wall.
The commercials are in order: Pringles™, Pepsi™, Cohiba Cigars™ and Pringles™ again.
SCENE: BRIDAL SUITE AT HOTEL CLOSE TO JOHN MCCLANES HUT. DAY.
John McClane, now in a foul mood, stalks the bridal suite of a nearby hotel. As the newlywed couple starts to have fun in the kingsize bed, John sneaks through the garden door and empties a box of scorpions on the floor of the hotel room, then closes the garden door and leaves.
SCENE: CAFÉ-LINED ROAD NEAR THE BEACH. DAY.
John McClane is driving up and down the road revving up his engine to harass the café guests as much as possible. On the passenger seat is a basket of chopped up durian fruit, which John throws after various café guests.
SCENE: OUTSIDE A GARDEN POOL PARTY. DAY.
John McClane wearing a beekeeper outfit is standing next to a churning cement mixer behind the villas street facing hedge. There’s no cement in the mixer, but instead 5-6 hornets nests. John picks them out one by one and lobs them into different areas of the garden to maximize the effect. Soon screams and panic starts and John leaves the scene in his car giggling.
SCENE: BEACH NEAR JOHN’S BEACH HUT. EVENING.
John is lying in the surf. His rage finally quelled, he has a drink in one hand and eats painkillers with the other hand. He is listening to Bob Marley from speakers on the beach. He screams “HANSEN!” at the sea. Then he lists his LA house for sale on Zillow for $500,000, but due to his inebriated condition and the lack of decent Wi-Fi he lists it for $50,000. He is unaware of this mistake.
SCENE: JOHN’S BEACH HUT. NOON.
The place is completely trashed. And John is lying on the floor next to several sleeping wild dogs and a hog. A guy named Billy who is sleeping in the kitchen is introduced.
John wakes up. He’s clearly dazed and confused. On his way to the fridge he trips over a sleeping dog and nearly falls cursing. As he opens the fridge, several beers bottles fall out and shatter as they hit the floor. John finds an ice-cold Corona™ beer, holds it up so the logo is shown to the audience, then walks over to Billy who is sleeping with his upper body on the kitchen table. John pours ice-cold beer in Billy’s ear, which causes Billy to wake up slowly and with wriggling and twisting movements.
John throws a Pringels™ can at Billy. And exits to the sandy garden.
SCENE: TABLE BY JOHN’S BEACH HUT. NOON. SUNNY.
Setting at beach hut. Hansen returns. Hansen and John McClane reconciliate. The happiness is then interrupted by Bad Guy.
John is sitting at the table making a severely strong mojito. He takes a large sip and grimaces. Hansen strolls out of the bushes nearer to the beach. As they see each other, she runs over to John and she sits on his lap and they embrace. John drops his drink and looks at the same time angry and happy.
SCENE: BEACH. JOHN, HANSEN AND BILLY IN DECK CHAIRS. NOON. SUNNY.
John, Hansen and Billy are relaxing by the beach under the shade of palm trees. John is having a beer, Hansen a drink and Billy is piling up coconut drinks in a stack by his chair.
A pair of beautiful women walks by. Billy first tries to hit on one, but after he fails he tries to hit on the second. As he tries to steal a completely unwarranted kiss, he receives a slap and a knee in the crotch. Billy then begins to cry loudly.
Looking at Hansen intensely.
Distracted, trying to force the words of her dictionary into a sudoku.
A clerk serves John with several subpoenas related to disturbing the peace and reckless endangerment. John rips them apart, but the clerk insist he has been served. The clerk stubbornly refuses to leave, but just stands next to John staring. John then stops a passing waiter and tells the waiter that the clerk fucked the waiter’s wife (while knowing full well it was Billy). The clerk starts to object, but quickly turns to run as the furious and red-faced waiter starts to move toward him.