Hmmm. I want more context. I want to know more about who these people are. At the same time, I like the idea of scraps of chronicles. I'm not sure you would need to add much, to make it more satisfying to a reader. Maybe too, there needs to be some kind of hook, maybe, to get the reader started. And to keep us going ... I don't know. It feels a bit closed, almost deliberately obtuse, and it takes a lot of work to follow it. Part of the 'problem' with that, is that it is online. I don't think, even people who like to read, want to work at reading fiction that is online. Maybe that's just me though. ... Let's say, these are my reactions, and I'm not prepared to say that they mean anything. Ha! I'm not sure, I guess. Strykos was an interesting character. I think they fear him more than they love him. And why wouldn't they? I mean, I don't understand why he killed the 5 kids, and maybe that was your point, that it was just pointless. I think if you wanted to give us more, that might be an avenue for doing that, develop his character a little? He's already intriguing, and if there is a protagonist, he's it. ... This is interesting. Maybe my final statement is, it has a lot of potential.
Hey, the job looks like it could work for me, thanks for asking. And, shoot, my grandpa's name was Cliff! How about that? If you lived in Indiana, I'd have to wonder if we were related! Anyway, I was glad to read your story.
Hmmm. I want more context. I want to know more about who these people are. At the same time, I like the idea of scraps of chronicles. I'm not sure you would need to add much, to make it more satisfying to a reader. Maybe too, there needs to be some kind of hook, maybe, to get the reader started. And to keep us going ... I don't know. It feels a bit closed, almost deliberately obtuse, and it takes a lot of work to follow it. Part of the 'problem' with that, is that it is online. I don't think, even people who like to read, want to work at reading fiction that is online. Maybe that's just me though. ... Let's say, these are my reactions, and I'm not prepared to say that they mean anything. Ha! I'm not sure, I guess. Strykos was an interesting character. I think they fear him more than they love him. And why wouldn't they? I mean, I don't understand why he killed the 5 kids, and maybe that was your point, that it was just pointless. I think if you wanted to give us more, that might be an avenue for doing that, develop his character a little? He's already intriguing, and if there is a protagonist, he's it. ... This is interesting. Maybe my final statement is, it has a lot of potential.
Hey, the job looks like it could work for me, thanks for asking. And, shoot, my grandpa's name was Cliff! How about that? If you lived in Indiana, I'd have to wonder if we were related! Anyway, I was glad to read your story.