Neighborhood News (2/3/2020): The Day After

in The Hood3 years ago (edited)

Hello Neighbor. I have sorrowful news to share. The Dropbears lost The Big Game against “a team whose name can only be described as the perpetual scream of a man who stared too long into the void of space and is gripped by existential terror”.

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After the game, Chris’s head was returned to his body. He’ll probably be a bit dizzy for the next few days and might want to lay down. I hope that’ll teach him to keep his lawn up to code.

As is tradition, and rightfully so, the NWA sanctioned rioting took place, and let me tell you, the flames made for a beautiful contrast to the pitch black, starless night sky.

Being a Dropbears fan myself, I joined in on the rioting that took place last night, bleaching profanities into the lawns of my enemies and spraypainting sad clown faces on all the stop signs that had yet to be ripped asunder from their dirt plots.

I am proud of my Dropbear brothers, clad in paramilitary fatigues, who clung to trees and telephone poles and shouted the Dropbear Screech as they ambushed our rivals on their way back home, in traditional Dropbear fashion.

But it’s the day after, and you’ve already forgotten most of the event that you were so excited about for months. All you have left is an empty feeling, a longing for something, something you lost long ago, or can’t remember.

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In other news:

Tomorrow night is Grandmas’ Night at The Clubhouse! Bingo, shuffleboard, and bridge will be in full swing (just like the music that will be streaming to their hearing aids). Grandmas get in half off, so come on join in on the festivities! Ethel Meyers, “The Mahjong Maven”, has been undefeated in shuffleboard for weeks now, so come dethrone that ol’ coot if you think you can shuffle your way in.

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Sometimes your team loses. It’s okay to be sad, or hurt, or angry, or anything inbetween. Life moves on, and the disappointment will fade. It’s only a game.

Anyway, keep it to yourself. Emotions are not permitted to our Utopian Paradise.

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Looking to move into The Hood? We have vacancy! All are welcome! Become One of Us here: Be Our Neighbor.


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 3 years ago 

thanks for supporting the hood @hersi007, :) good to see ya around

 3 years ago 


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 3 years ago 

The rioting! Shit, that's what happened to my dog. I let the poor bitch out for her nightly pee and she came back in 4 hours later covered in ribbons and lipstick - and she's not even a pig! I think she's pregnant now, too, and I'm really hoping it wasn't O'Hallohans dog down the street; that's one ugly mutt. Or his son either! He's even uglier. If my bitch has ugly puppies, I'm going to petition the NWA to torch O'Hallouglies McMansion to the ground.

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