About marriage
Marriage should be a beautiful thing: a union of two hearts coming together as one. At least that's what the romance novels made it out to look like. But can we honestly say that's what marriage is in reality? Well perhaps to the simpleton , maybe. But my experience has taught me otherwise. There's no black and white in marriage. There are plenty grey areas and the first tool to a successful marriage I think is diplomacy and negotiation. Sounds ambiguous right? Well, let me break it down.
People stay in marriage for different reasons. Sometimes they stay for their kids, or financial support. There are others who stay because they know they can't get a better support system elsewhere(family which comprises of in-laws and etc). There are also those who stay because they're truly, completely in love. And some others because marriage validates them : they like the idea of Mr and Mrs . Some people because the person is a great parent or will make a great parent, or the sex is great. Others to consolidate their political position or inheritance.
Whatever maybe the reason you marry, just remember that none can work effectively without diplomacy and negotiation. Love and desire wanes after a time for some people . Conversations becomes heavier and difficult. Trust broken is never completely regained. Change is the only constant thing on earth and and these should never come as a surprise to anybody.
What's left to aspire for in marriage then? Friendship, companionship.
No matter what happens, friendship never goes away. When you're genuinely friends with each other, it doesn't matter what life throws at you, you always manage to find your way back to each other. Studies have shown that couples who are friends and laugh a lot, make better marriages and are usually much more willing to forgive and overlook their partner's shortcomings. Simply put; they don't sweat the small stuff . Even when they're divorced for whatever reason, they always find a way to co-parent and still build each other up without acrimony. I guess this is what they call "making lemonade out of your lemons."
Sometimes I think we fail to negotiate what we want or maybe our happiness. You can blame this on ignorance or complacency. We let love and feelings get in the way of our good and better judgement. There's nothing wrong with both, but we unfortunately live in a world that's not so simple. You can even negotiate love . How your partner loves you, and how you want or desire to be loved are two different things. Negotiation teaches you priority and helps you in choosing your battles wisely.
Diplomacy in marriage is like a lubricant.It makes for smooth running of things and understanding. You must know when and how to say things the right way . I've always been a straightforward person, so i personally had a problem with this.. I thought staying brutally honest was the key to a happy marriage. It worked against me. I'm still honest , but I've learnt to say things the right way ( tact), without making it come out all wrong and getting misunderstood.You can say that I've learnt to "play with words" to get my desired result.
Does it mean love isn't important in a marriage? I think it is. But it isn't nearly enough. It won't easily get you past difficult moments. Respect begets love ,worship and even reverence. Negotiate wisely! Don't leave your heart too vulnerable. When you act right, you can demand to be treated right. Keep an open mind: Be flexible. Make divorce an option always. If someone knows they're more likely to lose you, they tend to behave better or honor bound to at least treat you right.