At unexpected times, I often think of you, remember when I chose indifference to be my reason for leaving, where you never know, that your hard work for me is still stored in a matter of time in every second of my laughter melody, because of you.

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*****

At that time, I couldn't promise anything, including being happy as well as your mood to stay fine if you were together, because your great belief in me subconsciously made me afraid that it would lead you to fall with me too, how could I let that? while I know my world full of pain is not the right place for you.

*****

But in the end you understand, when I saw your sweet laugh, your soft voice, adorned the tight grip of your hand holding his hand, you invited him to anchor to the center of your universe which is the deep end of your long journey. You found your half, found the right woman you deserved to go to, not me. Even so, I'm relieved that my worries about your happiness have become futile. you have been happy.

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*****

As now all the pain, let me feel, and now my task is at the very end regarding you, where there is only one effort left for me to be able to still feel you, about my prayers that will faithfully keep beside you like a substitute for me, always.

*****

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"DEKAT, TERIKAT, TANPA SEKAT"

Di waktu tak yang terduga, aku kerap kali teringat dirimu,teringat ketika aku memilih ketidakpedulian menjadi alasan diriku menuju sebuah kepergian,dimana engkau tak pernah tau, bahwa jerih payahmu untukku tetap tersimpan dalam hitungan waktu di setiap detik melodi tawaku, karenamu.

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*****

Saat itu, aku tak mampu menjanjikan apa-apa, termasuk bahagia juga suasana hatimu untuk tetap baik-baik saja jika bersama, sebab besarnya keyakinanmu terhadapku tanpa sadar membuatku takut-takut akan menuntunmu turut terjatuh denganku, bagaimana bisa aku akan biarkan itu? sedangkan aku tahu dunia penuh lara milikku bukanlah tempat yang tepat untukmu.

*****

Namun pada akhirnya kau mengerti, ketika aku menyaksikan merdu tawamu, lembut suaramu, menghiasi eratnya genggaman tanganmu menggenggam tangannya, kau mengajaknya berlabuh menuju pusat semesta hidupmu yang menjadi ujung dalam sepanjang jauhnya perjalananmu. Kau berhasil temukan separuhmu, temukan wanita tepat yang patut kau tuju, bukan aku. Meskipun begitu aku lega sebab kekhawatiranku perihal bahagiamu menjadi sebuah hal sia-sia. kau telah bahagia.

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^{Sumber Gambar}

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*****

Sebagaimana sekarang segala sakitnya biar aku yang merasa, dan kini tugasku berada di titik paling akhir perihal tentangmu, dimana hanya tersisa satu upayaku untuk dapat tetap merasakanmu, tentang doa-doa milikku yang akan setia menjaga disampingmu layaknya pengganti diriku, selalu.

*****