Smile! You’re Being Manipulated: 5 Manipulator Tactics

Toxic relationships are not always about abusive treatment that leaves the victim in shattered feelings. There are different types of toxic people, and the most harmless of them are the small manipulators. They use others for their own purposes as easily as they breathe. This is their way of life, they know no other way. But just as small doses of poison can gradually kill or weaken the health of the person who mindlessly takes it, so regular small manipulations can poison in their own way.

Smile! You’re Being Manipulated: 5 Manipulator Tactics
What tricks do manipulators use to maintain power and attention?

5 Manipulator Tactics We Encounter in Family, Work, and Love Relationships
Double Message
This is perhaps the main communication mechanism that allows manipulators to remain unnoticed for a long time. Parents use it, letting out derogatory remarks towards the child with tenderness in their voice. Lovers use it, accompanying hurtful words with tight hugs and a kiss on the crown. Friends use it, dumping unsolicited truths about you under the guise of friendly care. A toxic friend claiming your time and attention will criticize your choice of partner, implying that you don’t understand men and are so dependent that you can’t do without her. But if the relationship doesn't work out, it gives her full right to assert herself once more: she did warn you!

Diffusion of Responsibility
Manipulators are masters of ambiguity. They always lead the victim to think in the direction they need. The victim will think she has created the problem herself – after all, she did colossal mental work, only she forgot who led her to this thought. And the manipulator is rubbing his hands, because while the victim is busy digging into her own neurotic problems, fresh portions of psychic energy are guaranteed to him. Moreover, manipulators always place the responsibility for their feelings on others. And, as a rule, there are always those who are ready to take it.

Comparisons
To further strengthen the victim's feeling of insignificance, the manipulator will openly compare her with others or constantly remind her of another, better version of herself she could have become but hasn't yet because she is lazy, stupid, dependent, or doesn’t listen to smart people (implying themselves, of course).

Devaluation
What would a non-manipulative person say to an unfunny joke? Simply "unfunny joke" – and you will have the opportunity to make a better joke next time. Meanwhile, a manipulator will definitely give a long evaluative comment, accompanied by a meaningful eye-roll, implying that your jokes are always unfunny and unsuccessful, and so are you. These remarks eventually affect self-esteem, especially if they regularly come from a close person whose opinion is truly important.
But devaluation can also be indirect. For example, not humiliating or saying hurtful things to a child, but simply not recognizing his achievements, taking them for granted, and doing this for years. Even better – constantly praising other people's children for similar achievements, as if incidentally. Meanwhile, manipulators for show will still not forget to praise you in public, attributing participation in your successes to themselves. A manipulative boss or colleague will never notice how well you did your job but will certainly take credit for your achievements.

Lack of Acceptance and Support
Don’t hope to receive this from a manipulator. The only support they can offer is organizational (and they always know its price and have their own benefit in it). Manipulators cannot support and comfort emotionally: when communicating with them, there is a constant feeling of loneliness and non-acceptance.
The reasons for such behavior vary – from purely pragmatic motives to psychic vampirism, where no other benefit is obtained besides another's energy.
While adults occasionally realize what’s happening and can stand up for themselves, children here are vulnerable and helpless. In adulthood, this will manifest in unhealthy ways of responding to life circumstances. Therefore, if you have any doubts about yourself, know that this will be the weak spot in communicating with social predators. And if there are many such spots, you risk being devoured alive one day.