Reflecting on The heart of Honesty

djanita (60)Newcommer/Memberin RECREATIVE STEEM • last month (edited)

Hello everyone

I generated the image on canva

Reflecting on my past experiences, I have come to a fact that I believe on the principles of integrity . There was a time in my life when I was desperately in need of people in my life. I was a people pleaser. That is what killed the inside out personality of me . And instead of trusting the process and believing in my self I started to fake my personality in order to make more friends and have a good friend circle.

Life was never fair for me. Or should I say I didn't worked enough to make it fair. This is a debate that lives rent-free in my mind.
I do work hard to pass my exams but does that truly means that I will have a good job?
I help my mom with household chores but does that mean I am a good daughter?
No exactly no!
There are other series of event that altogether defines your worth in ones life. There is good and then there is bad.
A topper might not get a good job but a loser have that potential to attract the hiring team with those skills that the topper lack.
See how puzzled up the world we are living in is. the harder we trust we fail. The deeper we love it ends. The more we wait for miracles our desires finishes and we move on to another .And hence we are never ever satisfied.

Indeed life is full of wonders , some are good and most of them are bad and mind changing. The way we actually process our minds helps a lot. It is true to have a positive mindset each and every day. It is good to start your morning with a optimistic attitude but pls this is not for me . It is like telling a color blind person to see colors .

As much as I try hard , I come to a conclusion filled with negativity and overthinking disbeliefs , Things that will never happen but my state of mind is continuously making it happen inside my mind. AS much as I try hard it is very difficult for me not to think over-think. Its like a war inside my head which has no end.

Having such a mindset can literally destroys an individual way of living. Poisoning there mind and finishing colors in there life. Its quite strange that with a lot of negativity filled inside of me. A positive gesture fixes it all. Having sweet talks ,calming motivations and comforting hugs can fix most of it with in seconds. How strange this is isn't it?

But today, all I want is to finish my posts with all my feelings buried in it. They say u feel better when you write , you can make a dairy to note goods and bads of your day . Like this you can be productive and innovative in a way that you are actually writing about your thoughts. So I thought why not check this technique and see if it do make me feel any better.

Guess what it does kinda making me feel like an idiot though.

The feeling of feeling good is temporary and I think it is due time for me to start accepting reality and start keeping a dead end to my miracles. Because I don't really want to work hard for them. So sometimes I even wonder Are they even my dream or goals?

Which doesn't force me to work hard for them .Which doesn't urge my mind to get them . Are they even my dreams or am I forced to live for some one else dreams?

Hence, This is an other debate in my life.

A tube light bulb , a small energy supplier which can indeed give out as much energy as needed in an entire room. When we are out of energy all we misses in the darkness is the light generated by this thing. We need it don't we?

But will we consider this light bulb over a sun? No we wont .Because sun is nature . It is giving energy for free and most importantly it is not only brightening a room but the whole earth at the very same time.

What is the importance of that bulb then? nothing
Now replace the bulb with us humans XD.

While writing here , Great ideas were coming on my minds and I tried to use them as examples to illustrate my feeling.

I doo agree my feeling is filled with confusion and self doubt . But its okay for me . This is how i have been viewing things for a damn period of time and I think its about time to accept it. Because I cant change it. The only way is acceptance.
I am done being patient and all I can do good for my self is to accept the fact that i can never ever be better for myself But yah I can be best for others. This is a huge favor for most of you.

In the very start I have mentioned that , "I have come to a fact that I believe on the principles of integrity" . This is all thanks to my religion .Because of which I still have that little light in side of me.
I am indeed a person who is not fair sometimes, I might be wrong, I might did some one wrong. But I apologize, I try to fix things, I accept because I have a fear of karma firstly and secondly, I have a fear of coming to a point where I don't fear my lord Allah!!

Karma in my Islam means "MAQAFAT-E-AMAL". You get served what you deserve. Its like having a taste of your own medicine. That is why when I follow the principles of integrity with others , it will reflect on to me and I won`t think of unfairness or discriminate and I accept the fact that it was truly not my efforts this time .

This is how I link each and everything together. And hence with a heart fill with darkness I have a small light of honesty and fairness still open to me, opposing unreasonable decisions and giving me a balanced and equality based answer to solutions.