I wish I loved gaming still

I certainly like games still, but where did the magic go? Have I personally just become so jaded I can’t appreciate them anymore? Am I overstimulated and just tunnel vision through my whole day as it is, and video games are just part of that? Is this just how it feels to be an adult?

I’ve been stressing about not being able to relax lately. Sort of ironic. I get home from work and I just have a slew of things I want to do or need to address. This is really overwhelming and like a lot of times in my life, instead of solving my problems I’ll play a video game for the night.

It’s getting to the point though where gaming isn’t even a release or an escape. It’s like dying in the game almost adds to how shitty life can feel. Like, “yeah the world sucks, I suck, and the fake world I want to be good in, I suck there too.”

Alright, maybe not that dramatic.

It’s not there anymore though, the mystic wonder of a new game and world. I remember just having this endless curiosity for games, with this deep desire to complete them. Each new title I got was on my mind through my classes all day.

I remember doodling and first really getting into art because I was obsessed with drawing out my favorite characters. I loved to write out different stories that either continued or were just the same as the original, giving it my own twist. It was a time of real innocence I don’t think I understand anymore.

The previous few games I had any fun on didn’t seem to last, and I just find myself longing for a new title that will spark that old fire of love I used to have. It’s sort of sad at this point. I don’t know if I’m growing out of it, I’m just depressed, I just like other things more now, or what it is. I want to like games though. I just don’t feel like I have much fun anymore.

Single player games really still work the best for me. I have the most fun playing these kinds of titles but I also wish I had fun playing all games. There used to be so much community and I feel like it’s been sacrificed in the name of pandering to casual users.

I understand why a lot of people have been getting into table top gaming again. It’s nice to be able to play with people again, the familiar faces of friends and family. You’re not at risk of getting stuck with some shit head random and it brings a good sense of togetherness.

I’ve been doing what I can do find the joy in gaming again, which actually means a lot. I have started working out, eating better, and just overall attempt to be more mindful and present each day. These are things I’ve been doing over the last year and it has helped with the general sadness I’ve felt. I’ve also been taking myself less seriously, trying to judge myself less.

There’s a lot of self love I feel like I may have missed out and there’s just a lot my person wants to do for myself at this time. There were so many times in my life where the only option was to be stuck in a video game exploring a fake world. The real world we live in is horribly traumatic sometimes, and these distractions present themselves as temporary solutions for a while.

I’m not saying I think games are bad for anyone though, they’re majorly beneficial actually. It’s more like I’m just sad for the fact I don’t need them like I used to. That okay too though. It shows growth and development. I just hope I get to a point of ‘healed’ and can sit back down and enjoy them for their face value.