MY BABY, MY LOVE

I felt in my bones that something bad was going to happen. I had hallucinated the throbbing of
the tambour to a threnody of rich texture in melody. I swallowed hard; I tried to ram saliva down
my throat. Even the weather was menacing as it blew so harshly that I moved in a hectic rush to
buy the drugs Maami's nurse told me to get. I was wearied by the bureaucracy of the hospital in
which Maami was. The onus of burden rested on my small shoulders with uncertainty. Maami
suffered a severe diabetic ulcer which was malignant and her leg would subsequently be
ablated. Despite the fact, I did not want Maami's leg to be cut off, there was no other feasible
solution for her to live and this got me worried to death. I quivered in fear; my spirits quailed; my
heart throbbed; my heart thumped in my chest and I soon began to lose my bearings. Everyone
that passed at sight looked macabre and I was angry that they smiled. I was on the horns of a
dilemma - I did not want Maami's leg to be amputated neither did I want her to go. I was in utter
melancholy as I trod back to Maami's ward. My legs seemed heavy as I dragged them like a bag
of human bones. I ran up against a nurse whose face was peculiar to Maami's ward; she came
and patted my shoulder tersely getting a hang of my bewilderment.
''What ails you, Hafiz dear, just be yourself, okay?'' , she said more than once.
''I am fine, My mom has been on drip ever since and was being injected insulin today, what's
next'' , I summoned courage to say, not minding how shaky I was, like a terrible medusa.
''We would give her Ampicillin,she would be fine...What do you think about that, eh?'', she said
as we parted ways in adjacent directions.
It was August 5th, 1991. I got into the ward, dropped the drugs and busied myself with things
that could have been done by the happy-go-lucky and gossipy nurses, who went into a huddle,
discussing an old man on life oxygen, how they pitied him to remove it for some minutes, one
chuckled rather gleefully. They were all nothing to write home about, as they kept horsing
around. Belligerent up to the hilt, I went to them all at once and admonished them to attend to
Maami, I tried not to put up an ugly Frankenstein on my tear strained face. I could no longer
bear Maami's throes of pain from her ulcerated foot which its foul-smelling compounds called
cadaverine and purescine released anaerobic bacteria as part of the putrefaction of the tissue of
her foot. The nurses passed the buck of work to the doctors, to whom they said, would be
around soon. I was ridden up of appetite, tired, and still could not help hearing Maami call
anyone, with her blurry sight ''Doctor, doctor, I am in pain!'' , she cried. I had never seen any
woman as resilient as Maami, she suffered a stoke three years ago, but still, she bounced back
to go about her activities without a hitch. I had not slept when the doctor arrived in from Kano,
he prevaricated Maami's treatments and instead carried her leg up. ''Doctor please help her, she
is in pain'', I said nervously, hardly had I uttered these words than I began to regret them.''If you
do not keep your mouth shut, i'll have no other option than to send you out'', he said furtively.
Maami was helpless and I could no longer see her suffer any longer, I bore out the vividness of
this thought in my mind as I rested my head on the iron rails of a nearby bed without mattress
and I did not know when I answered the call of nature. I woke up out of impulse, someone was
puffing oxygen on Maami's chest while the other pressed her chest so hardly. I sat upright on
the iron rail looking at them and all of a sudden a troop of young baccalaureates of Medicine
burs-ted into view. One of the doctors said, ''Go out of the ward'', thrusting his index finger to the
direction, he wanted me to go and continued pressing Maami's chest. I looked on her face asshe gasped for breath, engaging her mouth and nostrils. ''Was he expecting me to just go out

like that, crazy man?'', I belaboured in my mind. I went to sit on a chair near the bed I slept
where I had a sparse view on Maami, she was on the brink of death. As he pressed Maami's
chest harder, she breathed her last. They stopped to check with a stethoscope as the oxygen
was going back and the so-called-gossipy nurse began jotting something. The doctors had
given the others a cue so they dispersed while I sat back looking at the semblance of Maami's
face. I was underwhelmed, I found it hard to twitter in fear. I was ultra-peaceful as I plucked a
handful of courage.
The day Maami died, it was like I was carrying a cauldron of hot water. Nevertheless, I had
peace; I did not give a damn if things, fell apart. Home was not a place to stay at that moment,
visitors trooped in, to condole us while some came to hear ''gist'' .They aired their incongruous
opinions to Maami's sister - some said Maami could have gone on an amputation and stayed
alive for them, while some said it was better she went. Our home became a hub for discussion. I
went to sleep abandoning the crowd with their annoying cacophony,when they saw nobody
gave them attention,not even grandma, they went one after the other, in sheer disappointment
as they wagged their heads like a lizard. Maami for certain, bulked large to me and I take solace
in the fact that she died honourably and in remembrance, I shall hark back to her in peace.