STEEMING COMMUNITY CONTEST | "OVERCOMING MY FEAR FOR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN"

Thanks to the organizers of this contest. I am glad to be part of the contest. Life is beautiful, but it sure has its awkward moments, and I would like to share with you how awkward my life was when I was suffering from the fear of beautiful girls (venustraphobia). It sounds funny, but trust me it is real. I had a terrible phobia for beautiful ladies.

While reading through my story, you may notice that the traits I claim to have possessed don’t seem compatible, but that’s what it is. One could say that I was like a person suffering from multiple personality disorder. Let’s get down to it

I grew up having a good personality, but it was not void of timidity at some point. I was confident at some times and shy at other times. Do you know that someone could be shy and yet a bully? That was what my personality was like. People thought I was tough, but I had a weakness - fear of ladies - particularly beautiful ladies. My presentation as a bully was able to shade what was going on within me. One won’t notice, except they were careful observers. And some careful observers saw through. I felt strong around my fellow boys and ladies who didn't seem attractive to me. There was this one girl I always loved to call “principal” because I thought she is not beautiful. Hilarious, isn’t it? I bet it is. It’s all in the past now. But this seemingly strong dude could not talk to a beautiful lady. I couldn't stand talking to a beautiful lady, let alone bullying one. These are the series of things that happened to me when I tried talking to one: instant headache, followed by sweaty hands, a pounding heart, and shaky knees. All these reactions worked harmoniously to produce a stutterer. Gosh! I would stutter and try to find my words. My mouth would become too light to hold words. I didn’t know why this happened but it made me feel very bad. Rather than have my ego deflated by such an encounter, I prevented it altogether. As time went by, I got into the university with such fear. Psychologists call it venustraphobia, that is, fear of beautiful girls. If you have ever been within the four walls of a university, you would know that someone with such fears would have a hard time coping. It wasn’t funny at all in my first year. Sometimes I felt like screaming out something like “mama!”. This attribute made me look like I was proud because I always withdrew myself from ladies, even on very social occasions. I always looked quiet and serious. At some point, I got fed up. I gave myself a tough assignment, which was to talk to at least two beautiful ladies a day. Most of the stalking was done at night because it felt safer. Not the best talks but it was worth it. I had to recite what I was going to say, but even at that, words were sometimes not forthcoming.

Gradually I began to see the reality of my fears. I did not become social with ladies overnight, because even to date, I am not, but my little exercise helped me to understand that my fears were not necessary. On and on I got better at talking, not just to ladies but male folks. Another monster in the room that accompanied venustraphobia at that time was glossophobia (fear of public speaking). I was not only able to overcome my fear for beautiful ladies across time, but I also overcome the fear of public speaking which also was a burden to me.

My advice to anyone with any of these fears is to plan well before speaking and learn to act in face of your fear.
Get to understand that the person/people on the other end are important and that you are also important. This implies that you respect the other person’s decision and you also respect yours’s.
There was a time when negative attitudes from ladies towards me made me believe it was because I was either stupid, unattractive, or always got it wrong. I started to have a breakthrough on this matter when I learned to appreciate myself and stand for my decisions, I have come to learn that every person is entitled to their own choice of behavior and that people’s reactions towards me don’t define my personality. If you are also able to understand this, you will blame yourself less for ugly outcomes. Sometimes you also need to understand that these fears don’t just go away upon therapy or treatment, but your ability to act in the presence of these fears is what gives you the victory. When it comes to public speaking or presentation, I have heard of pro-speakers who say they never cease to experience fears, but they go ahead to do what they have to do. So, do not wait until the fear is gone before you act, but act while experiencing the fear, and you will notice that action cures fear.

Action cures fear while inaction magnifies fear
_ David Schwartz

Thank you for reading. I will be delighted to engage in another contest like this one in the future.

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I would like to invite @richben, @gormogon, and @shakilahmed21 to take part in the contest.