2017 was a very nice year. In December 2017, I was admitted to University of Ilorin to study Medicine and Surgery. I couldn't contain my joy as it was a very good achievement to tell. Family and freinds buzzed for me, everyone was proud. I was proud of myself too. Achieving one's dream makes you alive but it wasn't the case for me. The society killed me. I told a few people but a lot congratulated and praised me. I was confused how they got to know. Being called a Doctor already put me in pressure. I was only a naïve boy who was never comfortable with a lot of attention and affection. Fear of not crossing to the next level caught me. How do I face this judgemental society.

Fear is really the beginning of failure. I lived with fear, studied with fear and wrote examinations with fear. The football i have always loved, I didn't play. I worked to the best of my ability but it didn't work. I failed as feared. Saddened and depressed but I have always known that there are life challenges that Allah has ordained for individuals.I was not brave to tell people that I didn't make it through. I feared for my reputation. Told a few friends about it and thought they would spread the news. Parent and siblings didn't even tell their friends. Maybe because I failed them all and the disappointment they couldn't contain which I was deeply sorry for.

Though its been two years now. I still don't have the courage to face anyone and tell them but the fact that I still meet people who calls me Doctor or thinks I still study medicine makes me neurotic and causes me serious headaches and psychological disorder. If you are reading this now, I hope I still have my reputation intact and you still think I am great because I think I am more. I have a bigger dream and I am envious of what I would become in years to come. I am requesting from you to tell your friends that might not see this as it is really important to my state of mind. I am tired of cutting people off. I am already tired of staying away from people who loves me. I hope I don't fail you all again and i hope we don't talk about all these when we meet because I don't really like consolations. I also hope you don't show me affection out of pity.

I am not secretive but just very sensitive. Although, I don't smile much these days, became quite more quiet and had myself come down to earth core, I am still very shy, naive, humble, respectful and respectable. I am still your clueless little kid who goes from one street to another to play football with younger kids. I may be grown up with beards but I am not different from a kid who cries for teddy bears. I am telling you all these so that you don't have any expectations of the grown up me at the moment because I am also looking forward to what I would be like in years to come. I hope to find peace soon and I pray everyone get healed from whatever challenges we are facing and have all our prayers answered.