Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?
If you are a person facing this problem or you know someone who is dealing with it, here are some questions to help you navigate the decision-making process faster:
Do you really want to save the marriage or are you just tired? Does it seem farfetched that you would be willing to tolerate a perplexing form of behavior? Are you emotionally drained and thinking about dealing with your feelings and thoughts about divorce as soon as you get into a lot of emotional turmoil?
Do you really want to save the marriage or do you think you should stay there for religious, moral or other reasons? Most of the partners who work with those who do not say no are people with a great conscience. Is it you Do you want to do the right thing? Are you willing to continue to feel humiliated and in danger because you believe that you should stay married? Do your beliefs with practical and personal concerns influence your decisions?
Do you really want to save the marriage or do you believe you should stay to protect the children? Do you think that you are the only married person who can take care of children? (You may have.) Or maybe your spouse has a special interest in your children and is a good parent. (That could happen too.) Do you think divorce can make life more difficult for your children? Do you fear their welfare when you deal with their behavior?
Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see that there is no way out and leave the marriage? You may experience a strong sense of well-being. Don't believe that you have tried everything and that it benefits everyone to stay where you are. Combine your fatigue with your sense of humor and you can tolerate the frustration and pain of marriage.
Do you really want to save the marriage or do you feel you can't go on? Your self-esteem may be low. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, of being able to start a new relationship, of being able to make a difference in a new life and of being able to make decisions on your own. It is not uncommon for a partner to say no and lose his sense of dignity and self-esteem as he tries to control, intimidate and discipline.
Do you really want to save the marriage or do you need to protect her? Do you see beyond the basics and the basics? It's there and you know? Maybe you're afraid it might happen to him if you really go? Will you be able to cope? What destructive course can he take next? So he stays there, aware of his basic pain and hopes that one day it will be all right.
Do you really want to save the marriage or do you live in fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Maybe you could face violence? Can you deal with an emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem prudent to restrain oneself, not to confront oneself, not to change for fear of what he or she will say or do? Do you sometimes feel paralyzed by fear?
Do you really want to save the marriage or have you ever thought about how to start over? This is a little different than the fear of starting over. Maybe your life has been so focused on him or the care of your children that you don’t think much about yourself, if any. Have you ever thought