CONTEST: Excerpt funny premise: La fu Mattea Pascalina (parody of a classic free literature)

I always have loved literature, since childhood. During my teens, I was attending a High School preparing us to be kindergarten and primary school teachers. Literature was the main subject in my High School, also preparing us to access university arts and letters courses. Among my favourite classic writers there was (and still there is) Luigi Pirandello, a humorist artist from Sicily (one of the biggest Italian islands). Pirandello's literature, also deeply studied in the university (arts, letters and philosophy courses) appears as a parody of the real life, as he was a humorist artist. But his literature hasn't the only purpose to make us laugh: he wanted his readers engaged to deep reflection too. For ex., Pirandello said: we laugh as we see an old woman adorned like a parrot (he wanted to mean, for ex., a 70 years old third aged trying to appear as a 25 years old woman). The poor old aged, at the sight of pedestrians looks like a parody of a youngster. They laugh. But Pirandello said: yes, they laugh, but reflect: why a third aged makes a so big effort to appear young, even if she can't? Reflect: maybe she has an husband 20 years younger than she is. The laughter stops. Pirandello is one of the main author studied in the university of letters and arts. His main artwork is Il fu Mattia Pascal (it's the original title because the book was written in Italian). I don't know the exact title of the English translation, but literally it should be The deceased Mattia Pascal. I know in Spanish it is El difunto Matías Pascal and in Portuguese O falecido Mattia Pascal.
It's a very long time I have in mind a parody of this artwork, but obviously not to despise Luigi Pirandello: I loved to study his main artwork at academic level and as it makes me laugh, it inspires me derivative jobs .

Obs.: Luigi Pirandello died in 1936 (in Rome), so over 80 years from his death passed, setting his books free from copyright. Il fu Mattia Pascal is offered for free since many years, despite famous editing houses still sell the book (as it happens with books published centuries ago also). In fact, Google Play Store donated me a free copy of the e-book version. The Italian official site liberliber offers a PDF version and also an ODT for Libre Office users.
Here you find the link of liberliber to download the PDF version:
https://liberliber.it/opere/download/?op=2346907&type=opera_url_pdf
Now here a little passage of my little derivate parody, where the main character, the funny man Mattia Pascal, turns into Mattea Pascalina, a hilarious third aged woman. Hoping Pirandello would be happy to see, if he were alive.

My parody:
LA FU MATTEA PASCALINA: cap.I: scanzonata Premessa
Una delle poche cose, anzi forse la sola che sapessi pure a fronte di qualche ombra di di dubbio era la seguente: che mi chiamavo Mattea Pascalina. E rosicavo. Ogni qual volta qualcuno dei miei lontani parenti serpenti dimostrava di avere aquisito cervello a tal punto da fuggire via da qualche mio pessimo consiglio o suggerimento, facevo spallucce, spalancavo gli occhi e gli urlavo in lontananza:
-Purtroppo mi chiamo Mattea Pascalina!
-E te ne vanti?
-Vantarmi? Vuoi scherzare? Già che è pure poco...

The original, from my PDF from liberliber copy that you find here to download:
https://liberliber.it/opere/download/?op=2346907&type=opera_url_pdf

IL FU MATTIA PASCAL
I: Premessa
Una delle poche cose, anzi forse la sola ch’io sapessi di certo era questa: che mi chiamavo Mattia Pascal. E me
ne approfittavo. Ogni qual volta qualcuno de’ miei amici o conoscenti dimostrava d’aver perduto il senno fino al
punto di venire da me per qualche consiglio o suggerimento, mi stringevo nelle spalle, socchiudevo gli occhi e gli rispondevo:
-Io mi chiamo Mattia Pascal.
-Grazie, caro. Questo lo so.
-E ti par poco?

ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS FOR ENGLISH SPEAKERS USERS:
My parody:
THE DECEASED MATTEA PASCALINA: ch.I: light-hearted Premise
One of the few things, indeed perhaps the only thing that I knew despite some shadow of doubt was the following: that I was called Mattea Pascalina. And I used to gnaw. Whenever any of my distant snake relatives showed that they had acquired enough sense to run away from some bad advice or suggestion of mine, I shrugged, opened my eyes wide and shouted at them in the distance:
-Unfortunately, my name is Mattea Pascalina!
-And you boast about it?
-Boasting? Are you trying to be funny? It's just not enough...

Translation of the original version from my PDF e-book (I apologise for any inaccuracy, as my English level is not enough for academic translations):
THE DECEASED MATTIA PASCAL
I: Premise
One of the few things, indeed perhaps the only thing, that I knew for sure was this: that I was called Mattia Pascal. And I
took advantage of it. Whenever any of my friends or acquaintances showed that they had lost their wits to the point of
coming to me for some advice or suggestion, I would shrug my shoulders, half-close my eyes and answer them:
-My name is Mattia Pascal.
-Thank you, dear. I know that.
-And you think it's a small thing?

The cover of my paper book Il fu Mattia Pascal I carry with me since my teens:

Photo taken with my Moto G10

Inviting friend @venturabogarin