There is a monster in my body he hides and controls me but strangely I can't touch and see the end of it but I can feel his influence on me who is only able to follow the roles and scenarios he makes even he is like a movie director in organizing the storyline in daily life

he knows me better than I know myself every role and scene he arranges perfectly, so that it becomes not the real me I often chat with him in my head which I feel is not a threat to me he is like an angel who always protects me to look perfect.

Many things I got from him I was able to laugh in tears, even feel empathy in joy, it was all I did to cover up the weaknesses from within me even I could achieve all my desires even though I had no right to have it with seduction full of falsehood and various "modes" (modal lies) as decoration.

But I enjoy following his rhythm because it promises popularity and position, respect and universal privileges in the hope of flattery and praise that bears on me I don't know when he has been in my body but he is always present when I need it when I am cornered with a problem that can arouse my anger and ego and hatred in my mind.

My childhood had many limitations and rules that made me sidelined in social life, the environment often judged me without listening to my opinions and reasons so that my soul was locked in some precepts that churned in my mind and body, and he was the figure who encouraged and always split my empty and disappointed soul.

I couldn't distinguish the ethics and norms that I knew the desires I had to fulfill in order to recover my desires, the various solutions and strategies he directed me to as the path I had to take, when the energy and anger increased the consciousness decreased at that time it was not me but the monster that controlled my body completely.

Is there a hand that is able to pull my soul in its grip and separate the monster that is lodged in my body?