Orginal Story - Was I in love? Or just a player?

Was I in love? Or just a player? This is a question I ask myself all the time when I think about my prior relationships, and the regret of breaking up with them hits me hard, not because I was in love, because I obviously wasn't, but because I felt horrible for playing with their feelings.

Freepik

At first, it was Jane; we didn't start out as lovers; we were just mutual friends; I met her at church, and the attention we gave each other grew quickly and strongly, despite the fact that we had nothing in common that I would call an attraction; we were both "unemployed" at the time, and we were both in need of attention; we never basically broke up, but we simply gave ourselves some space. Jane now lives and schools in the northern region of Nigeria, and we communicate on a regular basis.

Keisha, on the other hand, was head over heels in love with me and asked me out many times, which I declined. Keisha has been my friend since toddlerhood, which is probably why I never imagined myself dating her; I've always seen her as a sister and a neighbour.
It still surprises me how we became lovers; after she asked me out, I subsequently gave in to her as recommended by my friends, whom I told about it; we began dating, and I quickly realized that the love was one-sided; I was forcing myself to love her, and it wasn't genuine.
We dated for a month and two weeks before I broke up with her; she felt duped, cheated, and tricked. I was furious with myself for doing so.

Freepik

When I met Ewatomi, the road was smooth, and my body was revitalized. It was during the COVID, and this was the first time I would admit I was in love; we met online, two young lovers. I was glued to her because of her voice, but it was her ability to sing with her natural voice that drew me in, and that's how it all began; we didn't get to meet each other until after the lockdown. When we finally met, I was ecstatic to see her; she was tall and stunning.

We grew together, days grew into weeks, weeks into months, and then she disappeared. I couldn't reach her by phone or social media for weeks, and then she reappeared, and the cycle continued; aside from that, she is temperamental, and she was also addicted to drugs, making her unstable.
She also had problems at school, which resulted in her getting expelled. Given all of this, I couldn't stay with her any longer and had to let go...........

A Check ON MYSELF.....

With these encounters, I wonder if I was in love

or am I just another participant?

Are my ex's ever going to forgive me?

Will I ever find real love?

Is it true that love exists?