Transformers Review
Transformers was directed by Michael Bay, and this came out 10 years ago, a decade. In the summer of 2007, this movie was what everybody was talking about, Transformers was back. It was huge. People loved it. People went nuts for it. Kids liked it. Adults liked it. I think it's fine. I think it's fine right off the bat. This is not a bad movie at all. It has some issues. I'm going to get into those issues. It's tough for me, though, to look at Transformers, this first one too critically because I know what Transformers is. He got Beast Wars. You got Transformers, the show. They're kind of made to sell toys and they're just about robots that can transform into cars. And I mean, you can't really look at them and be like, well, I am going to talk about this film and devour it because it's so bad. Transformers, such a bad film. I really expected more out of the robot car movie. But like I said, ten years has gone by and I've watched this movie a few times over the course of that decade and we've had other Transformers movies. So some of the problems kind of rise to the surface and I can't help but talk about them. So let's start talking about the first Transformers movie. Shia Labov plays Sam Witwicky, a kid in school who is lusting after Megan Fox, his character McKayla, and he's got a new Camaro that just so happens to be Bumblebee.
And so eventually he stumbles across the rest of the other transformers. And this fight for the Q but. And there's other characters. A lot of other characters, there are so many subplots in this movie, it's no wonder it's two and a half hours long and even those two and a half hours don't even feel like it's enough to fully give every character in this movie an arc. Qalibaf and Megan Fox, Tyreese and Josh Duhamel, the entire military subplot with Jon Voight, the Decepticons, the Autobots and the parents who certainly aren't annoying in the least bit. And they're drug addict dog. Oh, and the analysts. Oh, and Anthony Anderson. Oh, and John Turturro. My God. There's a lot of subplots. I mean, I forgot how many subplots there are. In fact, there are just so many that the Transformers themselves don't really get that much screen time. We watching the movie the other night, I realized just how little of this massive runtime is dedicated to the Transformers, the title characters. Optimus Prime really isn't in the film that much. And it's kind of disappointing that so much of this movie is about Sam and how much he really wants to bang Megan Fox. This is one of the most Michael Bay Michael Bay movies ever.
There are so many shots of military helicopters against the sun in the desert and oversaturated color tone, sweeping, low angle shots, slow motion, sad moments with no dialogue, a bunch of military chatter that sounds a lot smarter than it actually is. Random shots of really hot women that have nothing to do with the movie for the sake of really hot women. And, of course, a direct reference to one of his own films, easily 100 times cooler than Armageddon, I swear to God. Oh, Michael Bay, you really pulled out all the stops on this one. Look, I got to be honest, I do actually have a respect level for Michael Bay. He assembles movies that are technically brilliant, sound effects, special effects, the entire production design of Transformers, the stunt work. You have to praise the production of this movie. You can't deny that about this first Transformers movie. That is something that definitely needs preist. And it's easy to overlook that when you review a movie. Oh, it's CGI. They made it in the computer. No, I mean the physical act of filming a movie and then incorporating it with these computerized effects and having a look as seamless as it does. That's definitely something this movie did flawlessly. Let's talk about Shil above. He basically was playing a more adult variation of his character from that Disney Channel show.
Even Stevens very nervous, extremely anxious. He had a lot of tics. He said, no, a billion times over and over again. We've all heard that in various YouTube mash up videos. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Over and over again, we all get that. Let's talk about what he did really well in this movie. And that was add a pretty good sense of physicality to his performance. He's really good at using the environment around him to sell the physicality of his performance. And he did that pretty well here. He's gotten considerably better in recent years as an actor, but he did fine for what this movie needed to be. Megan Fox is also an actress that I think in recent years has improved. But here in her big first feature role, she's not very good and there really is no other way around it. She's pretty awful in this movie. And I don't know who is to blame, really, if it's just the fact that she was new and she maybe didn't have the acting coaching that she needed or that Michael Bay just hired her because she's gorgeous and did a lot of shots of her body, what she does. But her performance is extremely flat. Who I do really like is Tyrese Gibson, who I felt was underutilized. He has a lot of charisma to him as an actor.
We've seen that in the Fast and Furious movies. His camaraderie with Josh Duhamel is one of the more fun aspects of Transformers. And I have to say, in regards to movies that have been adapted from entertainment of a similar era like Transformers or the G.I. Joe movies or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movies, the most recent ones, this is definitely above the fold. It's better than the G.I. Joe movies. It's better than the recent TMNT movies. They did their best to make it Transformers movie entertaining and enjoyable and accessible. But my God, I can't help but talk about some of this stuff. Michael Bay and his writers have a habit of inserting tons of ethnic stereotype jokes and their movies. And while some of them are clearly lighthearted, we're going to get into some of the really bad aspects of that. When I talk about revenge of the fallen, there's a lot here where I'm just like, really? That's like the easiest joke you could possibly make. And it's just not funny. It's just like made to make people laugh who love laughing at stereotypes. Bernie Mac, rest in peace. What a great comedian has. One really funny line in this movie, though, and he definitely I mean, it's easily the funniest line in the movie for me. That's my mama. Hey, Mama.
Oh, don't be like that. If I had a rock brush with death, you know,
And I kind of hinted at this already, but I cannot stand the parents characters. They're nowhere near as bad in this as they are in revenge of the fallen. But every time they're on screen, I'm like, who said that? We wanted to see them just fucking show Optimus Prime, damn it. Like show Optimus Prime. Shoving a sword through something, that's all I care about right now, I don't need to know about their dog and his drug dependency. And while this movie is technically extremely well made in regards to effects and everything, a production design, there's a scene in a car that I never noticed this until I watched it the other day is the most lazy. It's so fucking lazy. This entire sequence between Sam and Michaela, there's just a white background in the window and the camera and the car is shaking a little bit. I mean, they didn't even bother making anything pass by them. They just make it all look really overblown. A lot of people really like Steve Jobs, Blonsky score for Transformers and it's a really good workout music. It's good for running or whatever gets you pumped up. But every time I hear it, I can't help but think that it just sounds like other scores I've heard before. His mentor apparently was Hans Zimmer. And there are tons of moments in this film that sound exactly like Batman Begins. Oh, and her juvie record. That's got to be gone. Like, forever. As I said, there are just so many subplots and I really think about a half an hour could have been taken out of this movie, and if they just gave more focus on, say, the Transformers and tried to forget about the whole Section seven bullshit with John Turturro and his comedic, I think, performance, that would have definitely helped the movie feel less bloated because I cannot stand how many subplots there are and how much of that time is taken away from what could just be really fun stuff with the Transformers.
If they just focused on Qalibaf and had Megan Fox in there and forgot about so much of the government military stuff, I think this movie would play a lot better in the end. Transformers is a pretty hollow movie with pretty hollow characters. But I mean, if you've come from, say, the Transformers show in the 80s and then like Beast Wars and beast machines in the 90s and now you're so excited to watch a live action Transformers movie, this is about as good as you could possibly have it be. There are a lot of bloated, unnecessary Michael Bay stuff, but for the most part, this movie is enjoyable. I'm going to give Transformers a B minus.