How to raise an independent child

It's good to be a lazy mom who can sleep on weekends until lunchtime, because the children themselves will wake up, wash themselves, make breakfast for themselves, and find something to do.

It's good to be a lazy dad, whose children will clean the room themselves without a command, and then help fix the tap. We will tell you how to become so lazy and happy so that the children are also happy.

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How many funny and sad stories have we heard about how adult uncles and aunts bring their mothers for an interview? How do graduates go to the admissions office for a pen with their grandmother? All these problems grow from childhood, in which parents shake over their children, do not sleep at night, get tired of a huge number of things.

A child can become independent only because he has to. For example, if he is left to himself all the time and there is no time to take care of him. But such independence loses in terms of the level of development of a consciously brought up, when parents do everything so that the child ceases to need them as soon as possible.

Never do for a child what he can himself

Not doing for the child what he already can is, in fact, not interfering. For example, at a year and a half, a child can cope with a spoon, and at three - get dressed, put toys in place, at five - warm up breakfast in the microwave, at seven - return from school and do their own homework. Why doesn't the child do this?

How to find out what a child can do

Since all children are different, the timing of development is individual. There are no tables published anywhere that indicate at what age a child can be handed a knife, and at what age a child can be sent to the store for bread.

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When hands reach out to do something for the baby, ask yourself the question: why can't the child do it himself? It is one thing - he cannot physically, because motor skills are not developed, because he is tired, because he is sick. This is where parenting is needed.

When a small person is given big tasks, it is logical to hear in response that he "cannot". How can you chop up a bowl of lettuce when there is a mountain of vegetables? Ordinary parents will cut themselves, lazy ones will go the other way.

They will help you break down the task into smaller ones. For example, first cut only cucumbers, then only tomatoes, and then only greens will remain.

It's harder than doing everything on your own. But with this approach, it will be easier to be parents every day.

Some of the prohibitions are necessary because we care about the safety of the child. But sometimes, behind the word "no" is a concern for your own convenience. It is easier to forbid a child to pick up a watering can than to teach him to water.

A child can overturn a flower, scatter the earth, can fill a flower, and water will flow over the edge of the pot. But this is how, through actions, the child learns to coordinate movements, understand the consequences and correct mistakes.

Therefore, "no" can only be that which is unsafe. For example, eating with dirty hands or crossing the road in the wrong place.

When once again the hard "no" is ready to jump off the tongue, stop, think, answer yourself to the question: "Why not?"

If it is impossible because it is more convenient for you, then you will not see the happiness of a lazy parent for a long time.

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For a child, any process is a game. As soon as he stops playing, you can make him do something only with threats, punishments, intimidation and other evil spirits, which it is better not to drag into family relationships.

It is desirable that the child gets the experience of independence on the wave of "Wow, how interesting it is to try!"

When a child can do something, but does not want to, get him interested. Spilled water? We take a mop to scrub the deck of your ship like a real sailor. The same game gets boring quickly, so you have to strain your imagination and offer different options.

We may not be ideal parents, but our task is to make sure that the child stops needing us. This is probably enough.

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