Why Most of the Eldest Daughters in the Family are Having Hard Time to be in a Relationship
I have been listening to podcasts lately in Spotify, and I have come across to the topic of “Why Most of the Eldest Daughters in the Family are Having Hard Time to be in a Relationship” by Boiling Waters PH.
After listening to the podcasts, I have a lot of realizations in my head since I am the eldest in the family and I have never been involved in any romantic relationship.
Here are the few of my reasons which I think any eldest daughter in the family could relate.
- We become the breadwinners of the family the moment we landed on our first job.
True enough, right after I graduated college and got my teaching job, I would always give more than half of my salary to my parents. That is to help them for our daily expenses, groceries, electricity bill, water bill, siblings’ school tuition fees, and the likes.
For the information of everyone, we are eight in the family, I have five younger brothers and I am the only daughter my parents have. My mother is a good housewife, my father runs a small Pisonet café, but the income would not be enough to suffice for our needs. I completed college because I got into a scholarship with monthly allowances.
So, the moment I landed on my first teaching job, I thought to myself that I am now responsible for my family because I am the only one who has a decent job, though the salary was not that high to support them. Still, I persevered.
There were suitors but I did not entertain any of them. My family was my top priority, I wanted to give them comfortable life that I always dream of, but it is not actually that easy. That’s what I had realized.
But we must continue what we have started. Someday, these hustles will be rewarded.
2.We always thought of finance over romance.
As a panganay (Filipino word for eldest), we really wanted to work for our family and improve our financial status. We crave for financial stability because we always see to it that we have money to support our family. If they ask something, or if they need something, we always wanted to give it to them even if it means nothing would be left to us. In fact, I always wonder why it is easier for most of us to give something to our loved ones, than to ourselves. Thus, whenever there were suitors, you would shoo them by telling them that your priority is your career.
3.We have never been in a relationship for a long period of time/No Boyfriend Since Birth
You become comfortable of not having someone around you. You got you and that is enough for you. You are an independent woman, and you are contented with just being by yourself.
4.We assume the responsibility of our parents to our siblings.
We become the second parents to our younger siblings. Whenever they need or ask something, they have “ATE” that would be there for them.
(“Ate” is a Filipino word for older sister”
5.We think that dating is a waste of time and a waste of money.
We, eldest daughters, would think that it is better to work and earn money for our family than to spend our time and our money lavishly on dating.
6.We are goal driven.
We wanted to pursue our dreams first and achieve our goals before we enter to a serious relationship. We wanted to enjoy our “me time”, travel alone, or travel with friends. We want to better ourselves for the guy we like. We also wanted to be ready when we want to commit ourselves to the person we love.
7.We are afraid of failed relationship
Growing up, I sometimes heard my parents argued at night and threw plates to each other. I have witnessed failed relationships of my friends, sometimes I am the one who will comfort them whenever they had their heart broken. I guess, that is one of the factors that affected me, and now I become afraid that my relationship would end up like that.
Thank you for reading!