I loved one who is still loving.

It is such a love that has passed over 30 years.
One day when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, she came to me with a smile as bright as the warm sunlight.
We who loved the simple and ordinary things loved it like the air we breathe naturally.
As my breath is always by my side, I loved her.

But, I didn't know that the farewell that stood like darkness behind our happy smiles was holding her hand. She was such a person whose life goal was to create a normal and happy family after graduating.

However, we were same surname couple, nevertheless our surname was existed 20% in my country, moreover at that time, marriage was legally impossible. That was a huge wall that we could never overcome.

In the end, wandering frustrated between her father's strong opposition and her life's goal of creating her ordinary and happy family, she left me on a bright and windy spring day.

Then, one day 10 years later, we met again in a cafe.
In the early 2000s, when everything began to be connected to the Internet, we were able to meet again with the help of this civilization's greatest invention.

My love who sat down in front of a huge wall and cried came back. We fell in love again like each other's breath, as if nothing had happened for about 10 years.

However, over the past 10 years, the situation between the two of us was clearly divided in each own way. A few years after our breakup, I met a woman and married her. I became the father of her two children, and she also became the mother of child.

She chose a rich man and married him, but she was lonely. Her husband was a workaholic and the only day a week they had dinner together was Sunday. I cried a lot secretly imagining she was waiting for her husband who won't come home every night. "How lonely she was !"

She was withering like an island within an island.

When I got divorced from my wife's affair and were raising two children, while she was withering like this, we met again. We'd been dating for six months, as a I'm a divorced man and she's a housewife. We loved like a breath and deepened again, we could tell without saying that the moment of choice was closer.

One day while we were meeting, her words that made me seriously worried, have not left my mind throughout the entire time I met her.
'"If I were to divorce, my husband would never give me a child. Last time we had a big fight, he told me very clearly. I can't make it without my child..."

After those words, I imagined the picture when we chose our love. I was still raising two my young children. I knew how much I loved my children, and she loves her child too. Nevertheless I put her into a space where she had to raise my own children without her child, It was too harsh for her. Her child would grow up, and it was only natural that he would not forgive his mother for leaving him.

After the days of trouble went so deep, I left her in the end who is withering with hugging her child in an island within an island.

Now more than 20 years have passed.
A few years ago, I searched in Facebook for weeks and found a picture of her. She didn't seem to be on Facebook anymore, but she left a picture of her from her recent trip. I was so grateful and happy that she left even a picture of her like this, and I cried with thankful. Her old phone number, starting with 011, has already been replaced, and there is no way I can reach her again now.

Listening to the sound of the spring rain now, looking at a picture of her and writing this letter, the thought of how happy I would be if I could feel her breath just one more time again, the warm scent of citron tea fills my room. .