Dealing with anger and bitterness

Anger and Bitterness
Ecclesiastes 7:1-10
The theme of the book of Ecclesiastes is that everything in life is worthless without God. A person might misunderstand the book if they do not finish it. Solomon begins with an evaluation of life in 1:14.

(Eccl 1:14) I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

He closes his observations in chapter 12:13.

(Eccl 12:13) Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Along the way he gives us many important truths. One of these deals with the emotion of 'Anger'.

Read: Eccl. 7:1-10

Every one of us needs to learn how to deal with the emotion of anger. If we fail to deal with anger properly it often leads to becoming bitter, and bitterness will literally destroy us. All of us have a mental picture of someone right now. We know that they are angry and bitter, even if they don't know it!

I. How Anger Gets Started.

A. When things don't go our way

1. The example of Cain when God rejected his offering.

(Gen 4:5) But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

1. He got mad at everybody, including God!

2. You could have seen it in his face, 'his countenance fell'

3. Why? Because things didn't go his way.

4. He got angry and this led to his losing control and committing murder.

B. When our feelings get hurt.

1. Pain will cause us to get angry.

2. Every bump your head when getting in a car? or maybe when you were going down to the basement.

3. What happens? We get angry and we want to hit something!

4. Usually it is the wall or the car or whatever may be nearby.

5. Saul became angry with David because his feelings were hurt.

6. Remember the song the women sang?

(1 Sam 18:7-9) And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. {8} And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? {9} And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.

1. Saul tried to kill David time and again.

C. When sin is un-confessed.

(Prov 28:13) He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.

1. Jealousy - Prodigal son's brother

2. Immorality - Herodias wanted the head of John the Baptist; David with Nathan.

3. Frustration - Moses when he struck the rock instead of speaking to it.

4. Pride - Naaman got angry over the idea of washing in the muddy Jordan river.

(Prov 13:10) Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.

II. Why Anger Causes Damage

A. Because it controls us. (Prov 25:28) He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

(Prov 14:17) He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.

(Prov 14:29) He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

B. Because it causes fights. (Prov 15:18) A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.

(Prov 29:22) An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.

(Prov 13:10) Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.

1. An angry person causes fights!

2. He who has a sharp tongue will soon cut his own throat.

C. Because it curses our home.

(Prov 11:29) He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart.

1. How many homes become battlegrounds because of anger?

2. How many children are affected by the anger they experience and learn at home?

3. Dobson article:

a. Interviewed a group of children between ages 9 - 12

b. Two questions, "What do you love about your parents, and what do you hate about your parents?"

c. The result was varied with what they loved about their parents, but when it comes to what they hated it was nearly unanimous: They hated the yelling and screaming.

d. "Blowing your stack just adds to the air pollution."

III. How Anger Is Beneficial

(Eph 4:26) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

A. It marks sinful behavior

(Psa 7:11) God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day.

1. God is a God of love, but He is angry at sin.

2. We can have a righteous anger that helps us mark or identify sinful behavior.

3. When we see something we don't like.

B. It makes us aware of the enemy

1. Who is our enemy?

2. Not our spouse or our children.

3. Use our anger to remind us that Satan is our enemy.

4. He will use those who are close to us to attack us, but we must keep clear about who the real enemy is.

(Mat 16:21-23) From that time forth began Jesus to show unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day. {22} Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. {23} But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

C. It motivates us to do right

(Mat 21:12-13) And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, {13} And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.

1. I have heard some use this event to excuse their own sinful anger.

2. That is akin to blasphemy!

3. We need to allow the emotion of anger to motivate us to do right!

IV. How to Properly Handle Anger

A. Contemplate (or think about) our ways.

(Prov 29:11) A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

(Prov 19:11) The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

(Prov 12:16) A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame.

1. Don't just 'fly off the handle'.

2. How often have we had to go back to someone or at least we should have gone back to someone and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking!"

3. There is a reason for that…

B. Control our words.

(Prov 21:23) Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

(Prov 15:1) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

1. I know of people who think it is spiritual to give someone a 'piece of their mind'.

2. But remember, we only have so much and most of us can't afford to give away much.

3. Have you ever noticed the correlation of the volume of our voice with the degree of our anger?

4. A 'soft answer' is not just in volume, but also in spirit and attitude.

C. Confess our wrongs.

(Prov 28:13) He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.

1. When tempted to be angry or bitter we shouldn't:

2. Clam up

3. Blow up

4. Hold up

5. But we need to 'fess up.

(Eccl 7:9) Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

(Eph 4:26) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.