RE: عشق محبت اپنا پن / Love, Affection, Belongingness
Hi, @soulfuldreamer
Hello, dear friend. What a pleasure to be able to share this joy of reading about a story-song that represents so much for you and your culture.
The translation into English and Spanish was doubly interesting.
As every beginning requires some adjustments, when counting the words in Urdu, much more was obtained than requested in the task.
-If you have the possibility to demonstrate with a screenshot that your story together with the title have less than 150 words, send it to be corrected.-
The story, sweet, interesting, takes us to the mysterious language of the veil in Eastern cultures. When she hides the trembling of her hand with the veil, it seems to me an unforgettable phrase.
I am sorry for the long title and that it is indirectly related to the story.
The ending is quite good, but it is still similar to that of the original legend, Anarkali is denied to see her love fulfilled.
What different ending could you propose so that this story does not continue to be repeated? An empowered Anarkali?
Otherwise, very good work, I learned a lot.
For the next task, be careful to place the corresponding labels, in this one you used the one from task 2.
Hugs and thanks for opening a window to your culture.
Re-graded: Monday, October 28
Task 1: Write a micro-story
| Task 1: 3 points Indicator | 2,71 point. Good |
|---|---|
| Length (150 words or less) Exactly adhere to the word limit or less. | 0,4 |
| Shocking title Creative title that generates curiosity | 0,39 |
| Start Clear, attractive beginning that hooks the reader | 0,43 |
| Knot Develop an interesting conflict or situation | 0,5 |
| Unexpected ending The surprise ending creates a lasting impression on the reader | 0,49 |
| Afterthoughts Reflection provides relevant cultural aspects. | 0,5 |
Thank you so much, joslud, for the thoughtful assessment. I can only imagine the amount of work that goes into it, especially with your insightful comments. I completely respect your score; after all, you’re the expert here.
Regarding the word count, I included the Urdu version solely because it’s such a grand, larger-than-life tale that I felt it was essential for my fellow countrymen to experience it in our language.
One thing I understood from your assignment instructions was that we were supposed to write an original story inspired by the tale. However, with my modest familiarity with literature, I know that adapting folklore means staying within certain boundaries—you can shift the story a bit, but not drastically (maybe 10-20 degrees, not 180). Otherwise, it could have endless beginnings and endings—unless, of course, you’re aiming for a comedic twist!
Lastly, as for the word count, I’d request counting only the English version. Urdu tends to require more words, sometimes 5-10% more, or even higher, due to additional characters needed to convey the same ideas. Also, as far as I understood, the title wasn’t meant to be included in the count. My word count for the English version is 152. I am including the screenshot:
https://wordcounter.net/
Yes, it is a bit lengthy, but it adds a lot to the story's depth and relevance. I completely respect and appreciate your assessment, though!