I'm a failure

I had become hopeful after coming from the meeting. I spoke with Jehovah: 'You're going to help me win her back,' but she had the right to leave because she was paying for everything alone. With some money I earn from the internet, I paid fines, got a professional license, but the truth is, if they confess, they will be forgiven. I started smoking in secret and spending on that while she spent everything on me. It was the reason: anger plus not using her money for the house but for a vice. So she left me because of that, long before the trip came up, and that's when she understood that she couldn't stay afloat with me anymore. I was unable to walk for a year and a half, and that kept breaking the relationship, and as soon as she could, she left. I think she can't even think about me.

The thing is that I get my hopes up and then I suffer. Despite all my misdeeds and lies, she always wanted to continue. In fact, once I broke up with her and she looked so bitter that I stayed with her, but this emotional roller coaster wore her out. Look how much she loved me, or I don't know, and I, in the end, I think I did bad things and she was always going to be there for me. A tremendous trap of the devil. So it's good that she's not with me anymore. It's a shame we're married and I wonder: in the new world, will we have to remain separated? There are many separated people who never got back together. Questions that will only be answered when they happen.

Now I'm free from vices and only Jehovah is my anguish, and although I don't deserve it, he sees me so devastated that he helps me anyway. His kindness is beyond comprehension.