Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I consider myself lucky not to have had any problems like those in my life, although I might have experienced mild panic attacks in a specific phase of my life, I knew what caused them and it eventually ended with time. I've been close to people who suffered from depression and anxiety though, I've actually been ina brief relationship with one (which she ended, much to my dismay) and I know it's a daily battle. Hang in there. Your will to get out of it is not irrelevant and it will never be.